metro rail

To quote YBB

Watchout MMA. Beer pong is making a push to become America’s favorite sport that combines competition and killing brain cells. If there’s a beer pong movie it can’t be long before we’re watching drunk people bounce ping pong balls into cups on ESPN or Versus.

Now now, I don’t think that Beirut will be on ESPN anytime soon (though I have been advocating BeirutCenter for a while now. Seriously. It would work.), and I also don’t totally agree that Beruiters are alcoholics, seeing as alcoholics go to meetings. But still, you (read: I) have to respect someone who breaks so much important Beirut news, including The First Black [Beirut] Player (a personal hero of mine),WiiPong, and A Black eye for [Beirut].

…

Not to say that PUN knows anything about violence on the table. Honest. There are never knives, nor headbutts at any Norton table.

…

Moving on.

From The Great State of Ohio (!), The City of Oxford has decided to do away with lower the penalty for outdoor furniture, allowing RedHawks and Oxfordians alike to only have a minor misdemeanor instead of a misdemeanor in the fourth degree for having outdoor furniture, though this quote here is money

"As soon as you abandon your beer pong table, then it becomes an issue," [Police Chief Steve Schwein] said.

Seriously. Table Abandonment is a problem. If you find yourself no longer using your perfectly good Beirut table, advertise it on craigslist. Or email me, I’ll gladly take it off of your hands.

Zach Condon, the leader wonderful band known as Beirut, had a previous band known as The Real People. Which, you know, was good but not the same level of good as Beirut. But the important thing is, that we now have definitive proof that Real People play Beirut.

…

I’m sorry about that. I'll never do it again.

This picture is from this guy's website. It's of his new table. Which is (obvs) completely and totally awesome.

And right here in the DC metro area, people seem to be protesting the greatest Wii game ever.

Of course, I had to put the remix to Right Side of the Tree's Beer Pong Anthem after putting the original on cofabg. (RG The Dirty)

So far, that’s what kind of day it has been.

When I was leaving to get on the Metro, I had the following exchange with Britty:

Me: Nothing
Britty: So the regular?
Me: No, the regular would be if I was drinking
Britty: Wait, you aren’t drinking?
Me: No, its too early.
Britty: Buddy, it’s noon. You should be drinking.

The above convo is why Britty is the most awesome 13 year old ever. She’s lucky to have a brother like me.

Anyhoo, on the way back from Tuck looking at an apartment I saw a random TSUN fan who gave me a Terrorist Fist Jab^sd1 (chronicled in the ditriechic tweet files). He then made fun of his female friend about Kansas not being in the Midwest and living in a town that has one stoplight.

And then! My favorite pan handler^sd2 was at the PCity metro station. He (obvs) didn’t remember me and asked me for money. I again told him that I don’t carry cash. But the guy behind me had a even better response:

Sorry man, I just got robbed.

I’m seriously using that one from now on. Even if it wasn’t true.

Seriously. Awesome day.

---

^sd1:I’ve decided to start documenting my terrorist fist jabs. (back)

^sd2:Meaning the one who hassled me about hanging out with White people. Said that I thought I was better than him because I had White friends. True story. (back)

Although I've already missed one bus and had to take the non nap friendly train, my SmarTrip card had exactly 42 dollars on it when I started my trip.

I know that I said that I was going to write about the whole college football playoff thing. And I was, I promise. But I hit a minor bump in the road.

You see, mighty confessioner, I do most of my writing while on the metro bus/rail ride to work. Because, well, its where I write. But, then my good friend Ragged Company¹ left me a book. To be fair, I did ask him for this book, but still. The book was/is Oblivion by David Foster Wallace.

Confessioner, I love DFW. Like everything he writes. I read Infinite Jest like 11 times over the span of three or so months², and to a degree, a lot of my writing style is like his. Well, at least that's what Dutch says. And, actually, this post sorta proves.

But back on topic, I read that book instead of writing. For like the past two days now. So that's why I haven't finished the playoff post. I will though. I (sorta) promise.

So! Instead of that post I've decided to share with you the sadness and/or complete and total crap that (most) of "Searching for Eve" was going to be before I revamped the whole idea behind it.

Don't say I didn't warn you

When I'm walking through a large group of people, I sometimes hear the spotter from NASCAR 2006 giving me directions;

I still remember the second verse to "D.I.T.R.I.E.C.H."

I don't get how people choose "Coors Light" as their beer of choice.

It upsets me when metro train drivers call "Rosslyn" the last stop in the state of Virginia. Don't they know that Virginia is a Commonwealth?
(Oh. My. God.

I did not just say that. The Ghost of Woody Hayes will kill me. I replace that thought with this one:)

I have the greatest/dorkiest idea for a jersey.

(No. Wait. That one isn't good enough.)

I really do miss Cleveland. Pretty much every day.

I wish that people jumped up and down when their metro train was approaching like college football fans do before kickoff/tip-off. Raising their hands while waggling their fingers would also be acceptable.

"Seeing as I was an effective mayor in SimCity 4 (Deluxe Edition), I would make an excellent mayor of the great city of Cleveland" really would be an effective platform

Some times I like to play the game "Hot or Red-Head?" Its basically a variation of the game "Hot or Light-skinned that I played as a youth. Other variations include "Hot or Asian" "Hot or Pigtails" and
the fan-favorite "Hot or Blonde"

Am I the only one upset that NCAA Football 2005(?) played the song "Debaser" by the Pixies without editing out the line "Slicing up eyeballs"? Wouldn't that be one of those things that just had to be edited?

Seeing as I didn't write a real post today, I decided to share with you some of the pictures that have been on my phone for about the past week. In order to, you know, make amends. And to have this day count in blog thirty. Or something. Who cares besides me, honestly? Anyhoo:

I took this picture mainly because the price was $1888.

...

Ok, solely because this price was $1888. Can't let a Fight Club reference past if I can help it. Would have been better if I could also get a $2160 price tag though.

PCity!

Mainly took this because I needed a new picture for April (The 1888 one was the March picture)

GradaKiss and I found this when we bought the baby grill. Neither of us have any idea what this is, nor is supposed to be. Though I'm of the opinion that it should die. Not quite sure what he thinks.

This is supposed to say something about "Buffalo Bill" and his tribute to Black Cowboys or something. But it's a bad picture because I was pretty drunk at the time I took this picture. Which was about 3 hours ago.

The bottom track at Rosslyn is dripping water. And by "dripping" I of course mean "there is shitloads of water running from the top track down to the track in which I spend most of my time getting to and from work because of the weirdness of leaving my particular neighborhood of Arlington and going into Fairfax County" Or something.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

!

I'm not sure if you can read this, but what it says is "Is your SAVINGS protected?"

I'm pretty sure that that is not proper grammar. I could be wrong. 'S why I didn't major in English. Also, because English majors are (more) weird (than I am).

And no, I'm not posting this so that "people" will be encouraged to write "Comma Chameleon". Not at all.

Although I've already missed one bus and had to take the non nap friendly train, my SmarTrip card had exactly 42 dollars on it when I started my trip.

I know that I said that I was going to write about the whole college football playoff thing. And I was, I promise. But I hit a minor bump in the road.

You see, mighty confessioner, I do most of my writing while on the metro bus/rail ride to work. Because, well, its where I write. But, then my good friend Ragged Company¹ left me a book. To be fair, I did ask him for this book, but still. The book was/is Oblivion by David Foster Wallace.

Confessioner, I love DFW. Like everything he writes. I read Infinite Jest like 11 times over the span of three or so months², and to a degree, a lot of my writing style is like his. Well, at least that's what Dutch says. And, actually, this post sorta proves.

But back on topic, I read that book instead of writing. For like the past two days now. So that's why I haven't finished the playoff post. I will though. I (sorta) promise.

So! Instead of that post I've decided to share with you the sadness and/or complete and total crap that (most) of "Searching for Eve" was going to be before I revamped the whole idea behind it.

Don't say I didn't warn you