it's blog thirty!

~

Bizzo here. As you could tell if you searched my archives, I've promised or alluded to many posts that have never appeared. This week, I'm dedicated to going over all those drafts and either turning them into something and publishing, or throwing them away into Sticky Spiky Everhell.  A great motivator for this is running into things you wish you'd written yourself. Today that award goes to:

"it looks for all the world like a wizened creature out of the H.R. Giger home for aging genital monsters."

This could be you kid, so keep at it.

(montaaaaaage ...)

Sometimes, you win. Sometimes, you lose. Sometimes the random number generator that has been near and dear to your heart for years weeks goes and stabs you by the heart by picking motherfrakking Toledo to cover.

Makes me uncomfortable, mostly because of its track record. And it picked Ohio State. What a sad day.

Well, at least it picked Wisco over PSU.

In other randomly generated predictions, random numbers et al pick Obama to win in November, and ditriech to clean up with this weeks' picks.

The full numerical apocalypse, after the jump.

(01:02:57) WhamBangThud: wow
(01:02:59) ditriech: yeah
(01:03:02) ditriech: ...
(01:03:15) ditriech: btb, I just double clicked to im you to say the same thingi
(01:03:25) WhamBangThud: As they might say in Ohio, "WHAM"
(01:03:31) ditriech: Two points?
(01:03:56) ditriech: ah. now you see what I did there
WhamBangThud is typing
WhamBangThud has stopped typing
(01:07:35) WhamBangThud: Sorry, I'm distracted by a replay of a victory speech given just before it was revealed you didn't win.
(01:07:40) WhamBangThud: It's a fascinating artifact
(01:07:47) ditriech: Hills?
(01:07:55) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:07:56) WhamBangThud: ?
(01:08:10) ditriech: the speech?
(01:08:26) WhamBangThud: Oh. Right yes.
(01:08:32) WhamBangThud: Her. Not the landmass.
(01:08:38) WhamBangThud: Indeed
(01:08:55) ditriech: though, if the landmass was giving a speech
(01:08:58) ditriech: I'd take heed
(01:09:00) ditriech: seriously
(01:09:05) ditriech: what was the final margin
(01:09:17) ditriech: im only getting 51/49 hills here
(01:09:55) WhamBangThud: Everyone's saying that, or 50/50 with percentages
(01:10:04) WhamBangThud: either way, it's a Not Win.
(01:10:10) WhamBangThud: A Fail, if you will.
(01:10:15) WhamBangThud: As the kids say.

(01:10:29) ditriech: they do say that
(01:11:52) WhamBangThud: I kind of want Rocks to play the finisher tomorrow.
(01:12:31) WhamBangThud: Have the pack of supers he kept quiet all declare first thing in the morning.
(01:12:42) WhamBangThud: "Now that the people have spoken"
(01:13:05) WhamBangThud: Then just shut up and let both Clintons say whatever damn fool thing it occurs to them to say.
(01:14:01) WhamBangThud: Go to some island until the 3rd, have long, angry, post-ivy-league sex, send the kids snorkeling, and pick up a tan before the convention.
(01:14:06) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:14:08) WhamBangThud: wait.
(01:14:31) ditriech: yeah, the snorkeling was a stretch
(01:16:10) WhamBangThud: Yeah, I'll try and calm down. I'm getting crazy with these predicticators.
(01:16:26) ditriech: lil' bit, yeah
01:23:01) WhamBangThud: Finals are in
01:23:12) WhamBangThud: 50.7%, she wins it
(01:23:20) ditriech: "wins"
01:23:41) WhamBangThud: Lead went from 95,000 votes when she declared victory to under 40,000.
01:24:02) WhamBangThud: Combined with NC, this makes it a -7 delegate night.
01:24:15) WhamBangThud: God damn.
(01:24:27) ditriech: best night ever for Rocks fans like myself
01:25:09) WhamBangThud: She's going to win WV by a lot, he's going to win Oregon. I bet he takes MT by a (slight) suprise. Give her Idaho and Rico.
01:25:37) WhamBangThud: Then split the remaining supers 50% ... which is AMAZINGLY optimistic for Hillary
01:25:43) WhamBangThud: and ... he still wins.
(01:25:46) ditriech: yup
01:26:15) WhamBangThud: Unless they find the bodies of 30 or more molested children with the whole family's teeth marks on the bones,
01:26:38) WhamBangThud: We're looking at the Democratic candidate for President of the United States.
(01:26:53) ditriech: Finally, I pick a winner
01:26:56) WhamBangThud: And latest count has his money lead over the Repubs in the tens of millions.
01:27:11) WhamBangThud: Jesus.
01:27:32) WhamBangThud: I still remember the block of the city I was on when we first talked about the possibility of him even RUNNING.
(01:28:04) ditriech: yeah, I remember when he gave the speech in 04
(01:28:33) ditriech: that's when i feel in love
(01:28:48) ditriech: or, as they say, got a crush on Obama
01:30:51) WhamBangThud: ... are you dancing right now in a halter top?
(01:31:03) ditriech: noooo
01:31:33) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:31:54) ditriech: she's pretty hot though
(01:32:03) ditriech: I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers
(01:32:05) ditriech: ....
01:32:57) WhamBangThud: ...
01:33:06) WhamBangThud: Goodnight then
(01:33:10) ditriech: night
01:33:23) WhamBangThud: FUCK YEAH
01:33:28) WhamBangThud: AMERICA
(01:33:32) ditriech: AMER--
(01:33:34) ditriech: DAMMITT

Somebody remind me to tell them this story. Its a straight BK/ditriech extravaganza. I promise.

On this day April 25th, 5 years ago, a small Black man who resided mostly in his grandparent's basement decided to start a website. This website had three parts. One part was his reviews of the Division I-A college football season. The other was his personal, home website. The last of these was the Extravaganza.

To this point in his life, the Ex was stil the best thing that this man has ever done. The Ex took the best of his AIM conversations with his collegiate friends and posted them all for the world to see. Though, to be honest, no one really read the EX besides the people that were on it (sd: Actually, this isn't totally true. Some people read it before they were on it. But still. A very limited audience).

One day, perhaps, the EX (which is still pronounced E-X) will rise again like the Phoenix from the ashes. But this is doubtful, because ditriech sucks at life.

To you EX!

THE COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA HAS SEEN FIT TO GIVE ME LEGAL VERIFICATION OF MY AGE! !!! And, as is my wont, I celebrate by listening to Jewel.

TO: The Dislist, Dislist Related Enterprise and Activities

FROM: ditriech, HNIC

DATE: 04/01/08

SUBJECT: NEW WORDS TO BE USED

In order to stay "hip" and "in touch" with the "youth" we've decided to change the words that we "use" with each other.

Henceforth instead of the word "obviously" we will use "obvs". And instead of the word "totally" we will use "totes".

Failure to comply will result in the offender being shot. Survivors will be shot again.

ditriech/CAJ

ADDENDUM:

The word 'nuff, may be used in place of "enough" on a trial basis. There shall be no penalty for this currently. Also, "obvi" can be used in place of "obvs" or the former word "obviously"

Background:

WhamBangThud: Forgot to send you this last week
ditriech: will watch when i get home
WhamBangThud: Obviously
ditriech: did you not get the memo? we say "obvs" instead of Obviously
ditriech: and "totes" instead of totally
ditriech: you didnt get that Memo?
WhamBangThud: ... may have burned it

There was about a 20 hour period of time in which I thought that it would be impossible for me to keep of the frantic pace of the Blog Thirty. But no. I was wrong. The BizNasty gives great post as per usual. Which of course gives me inspiration. And I, of course, give you convos. Because that's what I do.

WhamBangThud: Talking to Neidecker about campaign signs, domain names.
ditriech: ...
ditriech: for crom?
WhamBangThud: Course
ditriech: dutch and i have a plan we shall unveil after the election
WhamBangThud: ...
ditriech: what?
WhamBangThud: Nothing. Standard issue moment of terror
ditriech: i mean, if you want a website, lemme know
ditriech: i've got to get practice
ditriech: also, you know I'm working on a candidate for Crom to oppose
ditriech: actually, I've had this idea for a while
WhamBangThud: Dutch beat you to it
WhamBangThud: The whole idea is a throwback to an IM convo of ours months ago.
ditriech: ....
ditriech: was his candidate dfw by any chance?
WhamBangThud: ...
WhamBangThud: noooooooooooo
WhamBangThud: Adam
WhamBangThud: We can't use him for everything.
WhamBangThud: He is just a man.
WhamBangThud: He is not a delicious flavor of taffy.
WhamBangThud: Nor a car.
WhamBangThud: Nor Love.
ditriech: my new bicycle?
ditriech: email sent

ditriech: im thinking a DFW meetup would be awesome
ditriech: actually
WoodnShoePimp: yar
WoodnShoePimp: who else has read it in its entirety?
ditriech: biz
ditriech: ...
ditriech: bama
ditriech: that's it. that's the list
ditriech: I don't know actually
WoodnShoePimp: set up a mailmerge
WoodnShoePimp: send out an email to everyone on the dislist
WoodnShoePimp: but using a mailmerge so it's to that individual person
WoodnShoePimp: so fewer people will not respond than a mass email
ditriech: ...
ditriech: irn, we should just run a campaign next cycle. find some guy and say "YOU! YOU'RE RUNNING" and go for it
ditriech: ...mostly because im like "why I haven't I set up a mail merge before..."
WoodnShoePimp: okay
WoodnShoePimp: here's your dry run
WoodnShoePimp: set up a mail merge, and a haveyoureaddfw.com
WoodnShoePimp: and yes, it's avaiable
WoodnShoePimp: i know you're looking
ditriech: ...
ditriech: thank you
WoodnShoePimp: it must look at least as professional as hillary clinton's, only with fewer wicked witches of the west
WoodnShoePimp: hell just make it DFW for president
ditriech: dude.
WoodnShoePimp: what have i done
ditriech: I was already considering a "draft haysbert" site
WoodnShoePimp: oh
WoodnShoePimp: my
WoodnShoePimp: god
ditriech: and needed a suitable running mate
WoodnShoePimp: VOTE PHILOSOPHER KING IN 08
ditriech: but this, this is gold.
ditriech: holy shit. I might take a day off soon

WhamBangThud: ... the Allstate guy?
ditriech: ....
ditriech: nooooooooo
WhamBangThud: Um, yes. Yes it completely is
WhamBangThud: WTF?
ditriech: nah, it isnt
ditriech: though we could honestly do a week of presidential candidates
ditriech: and by "could" i mean "probably will"
ditriech: and I blame you
WhamBangThud: WHY DENNIS HAYSBERT
WhamBangThud: WHY IS HE A PHILOSOPHER KING
WhamBangThud: ALLSTATE'S STAND IS NOT A PHILOSOPHY.
WhamBangThud: IT'S JUST SOME BIG HANDS
ditriech: and damn them some big hands
ditriech: ;)
ditriech: that’s totally not creepy in gChat
WhamBangThud: ...
WhamBangThud: You still haven't answered the fookin question
ditriech: i will in my post
ditriech: that is, if it is haysbert

Today's holiday, no doubt being celebrated around the world by Confessions readers, always brings up strange memories for me.

No, not the memories of purple haze all in my eyes. Though those are good ones. Mostly. Except for the whole mongoose incident^sd1. Anyhoo, what I do think about, oddly enough, is the first (and to date only) visit to a strip club^sd2.

See, what happened was my cousin was working at Papa John's. He hadn't been working there too long and didn't really know anyone, or anything about anyone so when one of his coworkers told him that she was a stripper, of course he had to go see it.

Okay, that's technically not true. He had sorta known the girl through work, but if you are a single man and any co-worker, ever, tells you that she is a stripper, you have a bullshit detector (and/or a whole different type of detector) that tells you you need to check this story out. So, of course he did. And brought me.

Now, the first thing you need to know is that I'm vehemently against strip clubs^sd3. But, because he's mostly family and he wanted to see if this was true or not, I went. Now, what you need to know is that this stripper worked at the Rocks. And I ain't talkin' no Obama. As far as I know, Len Rocks has been shut down twice, with violations ranging from improper touching (of the strippers) and alcohol violations. So, by all rights, the Rocks shouldn't have even been open. But, thanks to the good people of the Cleveland Metropolitan Area, it was.

What I remember (which, of course, is the basis of this here story) is that at first I didn't want to go. Mostly because I don't see the point of them, but he wanted to go and he didn't want to go alone. So I went. The first thing that struck me was that they didn't really have a kitchen. Now, not that I need to eat while I'm watching women get naked. I just know from my past that it helps. Well, that and it helps get over the fact that I'm paying to watch women get naked^sd4. Then, I realized that I had to pay a 10 dollar cover charge in order to get in. That bothered me, but whatever. I was going to a strip club right?

Unfortunately, because of the problems that the Rocks had in the past, there was no liquor license to be had. So I was unable to drink. Which, as you should know by now, is a big part of my life. A big part. And so, I didn't drink. Which was to my detriment, because I was hating every agonizing minute. Mostly because it wasn't an actual "strip" club as much as it was an "underwear dance club that allowed the smoking of marijuana". Which wasn't at all what I was looking for. As we waited for the co-worker to dance on one of the many poles that were spread throughout the venue, two girls came up to us and asked if we wanted "lap dances". By the grace of God, one of them was the co-worker. But seeing as that it was my life, the other chick was a girl that graduated from high school about two years after I did (I was three years out at the time). Of course she was the one who a) recognized me and b) gave me a lap dance. After it was over and I paid & tipped her^sd5 she asked me if I wanted to go to her birthday party. I, of course because it was me and I suck at most aspects of life, declined. In hindsight, I regret that, because I could have dated a stripper and have one of those stories to tell my grandnieces and nephews. But I don't.

In case you were wondering what that had to do with 4/20, well, it was the day that we went. And we celebrated a lot earlier. And the fact that there was weed allowed in the Rocks, but not alcohol. That point always sticks in my craw.

---
^sd1: Not talking about it. (back)

^sd2: Strippers and strip clubs have been coming up quite a bit lately. (back)

^sd3: Seriously. Mostly because of the whole technical "touch" rules and the whole "taking home" issue. But lets just suffice to say that I don't frequent the booty clubs. (back)

^sd4: This is a big problem with me if you can't tell. (back)

^sd5: Well, because that's just the type of guy that I am. (back)

I CLAIM VICTORY AND MY OHIO RESIDENCY!!!

SUCK ON THAT BITCHES!!!!

Good Morning,

Based on your email dated 04/17/2008, Ohio BMV does not issue identification cards via mail. You may hold an identification card from multiple states without losing your Ohio permanent residency (not allowed to hold multiple licenses).

If you have any additional questions, please contact (614)752-7600.

Thank you.

Nancy Dixon, CSA 2
License Support Services
PH#(614)728-9426
NDixon@dps.state.oh.us

>>> "[ditriech]" 4/17/2008 11:25 AM >>>
Question/Comment:
I lost my Ohio State Identification card. I live out of state temporarily and do not want to lose my state residency. Is there any way for me to receive another identification card via the mail or some other alternative?

Thank you,
[ditriech]