Random

While the Caples Bears look on in admiration

Since the internet has returned to my life, I've become just as unproductive as the last period in my life with the internet: I enjoy checking my spam email to see if there's anything worth reading. Sometimes this causes me to pose existential, or at least corporeal, questions.

Is it really desirable to increase the size of one's nether regions? I don't mean genitalia, I mean the entirety of the nether regions.¹ Because if you think so, then I've got something I should forward to you.

This speaks for itself. 

Seriously, why have I never heard of this.

Amazon Marketplace search time.

In December, Bizzo asked for my address, and refused to explain his reasons, saying only "Details at 11." Blinded by scotch friendship, I assented. To this date,

1. I have recieved nothing from him

2. He has yet to explain why he wanted my address

The question is: when is it safe to stop having Timmy open my mail?

Forget what I said earlier about Holder. Seriously: screw you. And readers, remind me to tell you about Mark Gitenstein. Who is Mark Gitenstein? Unless somebody stops him, he's a guy who's worked for big business, big telcom, Enron's disgraced auditors, pro-Communist Hong Kongese, Satan, and who will soon be point man on vetting Obama's judicial nominations. P.S. There's no firm evidence that Gitenstein worked for Satan. However, the circumstantial evidence is overwhelming.

The Confessions of a Beirut Game Committee on Blogging Behavior and Standards,

Alarmed by the lack of posts throughout the months of November and December,

Aware of the other time commitments that cofabgers have,

Observing that we need to get on the proverbial cofabg ball,

Noting with regret that no one will actually join the programme,

Further believing that actually writing this resolution is solid proof that ditriech has gone 'round the bend,

1) Creates the Blog Aide Programme (BAP) to facilitate the cofabg blogging process;

2) Designates ditriech as the Head of the BAP;

3) Reminds ditriech that the BAP is in no way shape or form to be used as his personal "hook-up bin";

4) Encourages the cofabgers who take advantage of the BAP to keep steak well stocked;

5) Resolves to remain actively seized of the matter.

Last year, I decided to come up with resolutions for 2008. Seeing as the year is almost over, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit some of these plans, and see how well I did.^sd1

1. Win more often
Let's just say that I completed this goal. Seeing as its pretty much a standing one for me, and if I lost more often than I won this year, then I'd just be sad and depressed and do something lame like read the Book instead of going out for NYE^sd2

2. Liveblog a movie while in the theater
Sad to say, I didn't liveblog anything this year. So complete failure on this and #9

3. Go another year without watching the samizdat
SUCCESS! Unless, of course, some random Nuck grabs me off the street and forces me to watch it tonight. We'll see!

4. Claim that "This is Sparta" as often as possible.
Yeah, the appeal of doing this for me ended about January 2^nd. I'm pretty sure Bizzo still does though.

5. Nickname someone Sloopy. Tell her to hang on as much as possible.
Sadly, I didn't do this. This is definitely going on the list for next year.

6. Go to NASCAR race. Do not get lynched.
I now live closer to a NASCAR track than ever before, and didn't even watch one race this year. One. Nor did I play the video game at all. I think I'm the only one who finds this sad. The whole me not going thing. Not my NASCAR fandom. Pretty much everyone I know finds that sad.

7. Find it necessary to do the Super Bowl Shuffle while at work at least twice.
See #4. Except w/r/t the Bizzo part. The only Super Bowl dances he knows go right. Wide Right even.

...

Thank God he's in Seattle right now. And not, you know, on the way to kill me. Not to say he isn't, just that it will take him much, much longer than if he were in NYC.

8. Restart the "Tuesday Night Drinking Club".
I totally did this. And, I know what you're saying "You only had like four meetings". This is wrong I personally went to 11 meetings of the WNDC. Not my fault if other people didn't show up for 6 of them. Or 5 of them. I'm not quite sure at this point in time.

9. Liveblog both the commute to work and home on the same day
See #2

10. Purchase St. Patrick's Day Tree. Watch as Hilarity ensues.
I wanted to do this, but couldn't find the perfect tree. Plus, my problems with the St. Patrick's Day Holiday and all.

11. Learn how to play tennis.
Granted, all I really want to do is learn how to is lob really well so that I can play Eschaton. Nevertheless, I still want to do this.

12. Write an entire craigslist ad without using the letter "e".
...

Man, if you people only knew how many CL ads I wrote before deleting/burning them. And one didn't have the letter 'E'. Honest.

13. Write more parody songs.
I did write one, "Lush". I love it. So, technically, I guess I did write more than I did in 2007.

14. Find PGOAT.
Scarily, I think that I've already done this. While at fucking Kenyon. More to come. Probably via 2160 and not cofabg. And, trust me, it's totally not what you think. Because I'm almost positive that I never, ever talked about this while sober. And like only once drunk. As opposed to, you know, everything else in college.

15. Find more weird things to Liveblog.
See #2

16. Give more leeway with Rule #2 than Rule #1

Hmm. Time to come out of the basement methinks.

17. Watch my back as I walk through the garden.
mo-zilla: it might help your street side that ive always considered you more of a stringer than an avon
mo-zilla: without the looks or height of course
mo-zilla: so as long as you dont make enemies with assassins and stick-up men you'll come out of this fine
ditriech: that's because you dont see me around non-nortonians really
ditriech: im definitely more an avon
mo-zilla: i just wanted to use assassin in a sentence
mo-zilla: assassin
mo-zilla: assasin?
mo-zilla: bollocks
ditriech: assassin
mo-zilla: mmm
mo-zilla: ass
mo-zilla: ass
mo-zilla: in
mo-zilla: brb

He never did come back.

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^sd1: The original resolution will be in italics, and commentary below. Where italics were used in the original resolution, they will be bolded. (back)

^sd2: I know that before I've stated that I hate NYE and St. Patrick's day for the same reasons: The fact that it's amateur night/day and unbecoming of a drinking professional such as myself, but that's not totally true. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I don't hate NYE, I just place it in the same category as birthdays (for myself that is). Why celebrate something that happens every year? And that everyone else is celebrating? Personally, I like celebrating weird things that no one else really does. Or just getting drunk on a Wednesday Night because I want to. Not because its a special day or anything. Also, it is really fucking amateur night out there and pretty much everyone acts like a fucktard. (back)

I like Shakespeare.  I mean, I don't read it for fun, but I respect the work and enjoy the poetry of the writing.  I also think certain football players are douchebags, and have held that opinion since even before they caused certain injuries to their own person.  So this made me very, very happy.

As you were.