EX

wonderbear3000: just put icy hot on my entire body from waist to neck
wonderbear3000: WHABOOM
wonderbear3000: haven't done this in a while
wonderbear3000: wasn't ready for it
wonderbear3000: i think my eyes are bleeding
wonderbear3000: haven't even touched them
wonderbear3000: can't see anything..... can't open eyes
wonderbear3000: woof
wonderbear3000: open the window
wonderbear3000: turn the fan on
wonderbear3000: i feel like i'm having an upper body orgasm
wonderbear3000: oh god
wonderbear3000: no ho
wonderbear3000: no hot
wonderbear3000: just icy
wonderbear3000: soo sooooo cold

(12:24:21) WoodnShoePimp: I wish they had gone further into the history between kate harper and leo in florida
(12:25:01) ditriech: yeah
(12:25:11) WoodnShoePimp: ah well
(12:25:40) ditriech: though, to be honest, season 6 im way more interested in the primaries than anything going on at the white house
(12:27:22) ditriech: you see how my state's doing!
(12:27:27) ditriech: trending democrat!
(12:27:29) ditriech: woo!
(12:27:43) ditriech: and voinovich is looking like he'll have problems in '10
(12:27:45) ditriech: !
(12:28:52) WoodnShoePimp: '10 is a long way off
(12:29:00) WoodnShoePimp: remember what happened in clinton's first midterm
(12:29:08) WoodnShoePimp: but damnit if i'm not excited about the prospect of a blue Ohio
(12:29:13) ditriech: yeah, but voinovich is pretty well liked in ohio
(12:29:34) ditriech: he was the mayor of cleveland
(12:29:37) ditriech: and he's a republican
(12:29:50) ditriech: I didn't think it was possible for him to lose, to be honest
(12:30:19) WoodnShoePimp: that is a pretty sight: http://www.pollster.com/08-OH-Pres-GE-MvO.php
(12:30:44) ditriech: it really is
(12:31:49) WoodnShoePimp: go blue!
(12:31:54) ditriech: ...
(12:31:56) ditriech: dammit.
(12:32:04) WoodnShoePimp: yup.
(12:32:06) WoodnShoePimp: sorry man
(12:32:10) WoodnShoePimp: you gotta cheer for blue this time around
(12:32:12) WoodnShoePimp: i won't tell anybody
(12:32:15) ditriech: ...
(12:33:11) ditriech: actually, I root against whoever blue is playing, except for the State game
(12:33:57) WoodnShoePimp: i know
(12:36:25) ditriech: iun, the past two days have had "In Bloom" and "Jailbait" in my head almost consistently?
(12:36:30) ditriech: err
(12:36:33) ditriech: no "?"
(12:36:56) WoodnShoePimp: that's... odd
(12:36:58) WoodnShoePimp: jailbait?
(12:37:03) ditriech: motorhead
(12:37:19) WoodnShoePimp: is it about statutory rape?
(12:37:49) ditriech: I don't know. I just like the guitars
(12:38:04) ditriech: ...yeah. it is
(12:38:15) WoodnShoePimp: very very interesting...
(12:38:32) ditriech: well, in bloom because of Bloomsday
(12:39:13) WoodnShoePimp: well yeah
(12:39:14) WoodnShoePimp: brb food
(12:46:20) WoodnShoePimp: what's in bloom about?
(12:46:31) ditriech: ...absolutely nothing
(12:46:46) ditriech: like the lyrics make sense to no one but Kurt.
(12:46:53) ditriech: and I doubt that even
(12:47:44) WoodnShoePimp: well probably not, he's dead and there's not a lot of cognitive processes going on atm
(12:48:00) ditriech: well, I mean when he was alive
(12:52:35) WoodnShoePimp: well, yeah
(12:54:47) ditriech: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Bloom#Composition
(12:56:59) WoodnShoePimp: heh
(12:56:59) WoodnShoePimp: i love irony
(12:57:05) ditriech: yup
(12:57:40) ditriech: its actually the hardest nirvana song for me to learn, because nothing connects to anything else
(13:04:53) WoodnShoePimp: haha yeah
(13:05:59) ditriech: ..you know what's weird? the only two three artists (bands) that I have all of their albums are Nirvana, Weezer and Beirut.
(13:06:27) WoodnShoePimp: which is funny considering you have zero threshold to obtaining them because you just download them
(13:06:37) ditriech: yes.
(13:07:21) ditriech: though I did buy the nirvana cds, and weezer blue, green and pinkerton cds at one point
(13:07:27) WoodnShoePimp: true
(13:07:39) ditriech: and I'll probably buy both of Beirut's as soon as I get a job

EDIT: After re-reading the lyrics to "In Bloom" they do connect. Sorry about that

After a long, hard, and massive study, I have come to a conclusion. I have a gift. Not just any gift, mind you, but the gift of fertility. Not, you know, me having kids. Not that I don't want it mind you, I actually want lots of kids. But I keep running into problems somehow.

(21:46:51) LookABrownGirl: you'll have an entire football team
(21:48:43) ditriech: why does everyone say that?
(21:48:56) LookABrownGirl: that you'll have an entire football team
(21:49:04) ditriech: I can't find a girlfriend, how will I have these numerous kids?
(21:49:06) ditriech: yes
(21:49:06) LookABrownGirl: I mean I could have said 'beirut team' but that's negligible
(21:49:48) LookABrownGirl: why does everyone who is single right now act like they're going to be single for the rest of their lives?
(21:49:49) LookABrownGirl: and btw
(21:49:54) LookABrownGirl: your problem isn't finding a girlfriend
(21:50:05) LookABrownGirl: your problem is that you fall for girls that you can't be with
(21:50:15) LookABrownGirl: I don't know what's up with that,
(21:50:32) LookABrownGirl: but you've got "crazies" and "unattainables" on lock.
(21:52:39) ditriech: es la verdad

 

 

(source: XKCD)

Anyhoo, this gift of fertility (thankfully) hasn't bestowed itself upon me. No. What I have is the gift to make you (Ladies. As I previously stated) have kids.

You see, back home (216 REPRESENT!) I had (arguably) two female friends that I called 'best friend' (I don't believe that there is one all-purpose best friend. There are better friends for each situation. And such.). Neither knew each other, and when I left Cleveland (as far as I know) neither was technically dating anyone. Through the grapevine (and, of course by 'grapevine' I mean 'them telling me directly') I found out that they were having a child. One had a boy, the other will have a girl. There is a good chance that I will be Godfather to both (I'm only Godfather to one as of yet. People think that I have good qualities that will help their child became a better person. That's probably because they don't really know about my crippling addiction to alcohol. But that's ok. I didn't know about my father's until I was like 14.) But I digress (RG Bunnicula!)

If you, as a female, want to have a child you need to follow this simple five step process.

1. Befriend me.
2. Stop talking to me for a while (which will assuredly be my fault because I am a horrible friend which makes #1 that much harder)
3. ???? (And seriously. Don't tell me.)
4. Start talking to me again.
5. Baby!

That's it. It's really that simple.

Applications for friendship being taken at ditriech.at.gmail.com.

See you soon "Best Friend/Mother-to-Be"!

(01:02:57) WhamBangThud: wow
(01:02:59) ditriech: yeah
(01:03:02) ditriech: ...
(01:03:15) ditriech: btb, I just double clicked to im you to say the same thingi
(01:03:25) WhamBangThud: As they might say in Ohio, "WHAM"
(01:03:31) ditriech: Two points?
(01:03:56) ditriech: ah. now you see what I did there
WhamBangThud is typing
WhamBangThud has stopped typing
(01:07:35) WhamBangThud: Sorry, I'm distracted by a replay of a victory speech given just before it was revealed you didn't win.
(01:07:40) WhamBangThud: It's a fascinating artifact
(01:07:47) ditriech: Hills?
(01:07:55) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:07:56) WhamBangThud: ?
(01:08:10) ditriech: the speech?
(01:08:26) WhamBangThud: Oh. Right yes.
(01:08:32) WhamBangThud: Her. Not the landmass.
(01:08:38) WhamBangThud: Indeed
(01:08:55) ditriech: though, if the landmass was giving a speech
(01:08:58) ditriech: I'd take heed
(01:09:00) ditriech: seriously
(01:09:05) ditriech: what was the final margin
(01:09:17) ditriech: im only getting 51/49 hills here
(01:09:55) WhamBangThud: Everyone's saying that, or 50/50 with percentages
(01:10:04) WhamBangThud: either way, it's a Not Win.
(01:10:10) WhamBangThud: A Fail, if you will.
(01:10:15) WhamBangThud: As the kids say.

(01:10:29) ditriech: they do say that
(01:11:52) WhamBangThud: I kind of want Rocks to play the finisher tomorrow.
(01:12:31) WhamBangThud: Have the pack of supers he kept quiet all declare first thing in the morning.
(01:12:42) WhamBangThud: "Now that the people have spoken"
(01:13:05) WhamBangThud: Then just shut up and let both Clintons say whatever damn fool thing it occurs to them to say.
(01:14:01) WhamBangThud: Go to some island until the 3rd, have long, angry, post-ivy-league sex, send the kids snorkeling, and pick up a tan before the convention.
(01:14:06) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:14:08) WhamBangThud: wait.
(01:14:31) ditriech: yeah, the snorkeling was a stretch
(01:16:10) WhamBangThud: Yeah, I'll try and calm down. I'm getting crazy with these predicticators.
(01:16:26) ditriech: lil' bit, yeah
01:23:01) WhamBangThud: Finals are in
01:23:12) WhamBangThud: 50.7%, she wins it
(01:23:20) ditriech: "wins"
01:23:41) WhamBangThud: Lead went from 95,000 votes when she declared victory to under 40,000.
01:24:02) WhamBangThud: Combined with NC, this makes it a -7 delegate night.
01:24:15) WhamBangThud: God damn.
(01:24:27) ditriech: best night ever for Rocks fans like myself
01:25:09) WhamBangThud: She's going to win WV by a lot, he's going to win Oregon. I bet he takes MT by a (slight) suprise. Give her Idaho and Rico.
01:25:37) WhamBangThud: Then split the remaining supers 50% ... which is AMAZINGLY optimistic for Hillary
01:25:43) WhamBangThud: and ... he still wins.
(01:25:46) ditriech: yup
01:26:15) WhamBangThud: Unless they find the bodies of 30 or more molested children with the whole family's teeth marks on the bones,
01:26:38) WhamBangThud: We're looking at the Democratic candidate for President of the United States.
(01:26:53) ditriech: Finally, I pick a winner
01:26:56) WhamBangThud: And latest count has his money lead over the Repubs in the tens of millions.
01:27:11) WhamBangThud: Jesus.
01:27:32) WhamBangThud: I still remember the block of the city I was on when we first talked about the possibility of him even RUNNING.
(01:28:04) ditriech: yeah, I remember when he gave the speech in 04
(01:28:33) ditriech: that's when i feel in love
(01:28:48) ditriech: or, as they say, got a crush on Obama
01:30:51) WhamBangThud: ... are you dancing right now in a halter top?
(01:31:03) ditriech: noooo
01:31:33) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:31:54) ditriech: she's pretty hot though
(01:32:03) ditriech: I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers
(01:32:05) ditriech: ....
01:32:57) WhamBangThud: ...
01:33:06) WhamBangThud: Goodnight then
(01:33:10) ditriech: night
01:33:23) WhamBangThud: FUCK YEAH
01:33:28) WhamBangThud: AMERICA
(01:33:32) ditriech: AMER--
(01:33:34) ditriech: DAMMITT

So I'm not well. And, apparently one of my closest friends doesn't care and wants me dead. Which is always nice.

And for those who don't know, like two months ago I only poo'd like once a week. Then I poo'd well for around a month, and now I only poo once a week again. And now this. So now I'm worried. Thought not worried enough to go to the doctor, natch.

Also, this over at EDSBS is amazing.

(15:32:13) ditriech: sorry, I've having problems.
(15:32:30) ditriech: seriously, like I can't focus or stay awake or upright for long periods of time
(15:32:43) WhamBangThud: That is a problem there.
(15:32:49) WhamBangThud: The hell did you eat?
(15:33:02) ditriech: actually, the problem is because I haven't been eating
(15:33:05) ditriech: its the job man
(15:33:24) ditriech: I don't get home with time to eat
(15:33:43) ditriech: no nutrients and no sleep make ditriech something something
(15:54:01) WhamBangThud: Unable to get it up?
(15:54:16) WhamBangThud: And what the fuck do you mean home with time to eat?
(15:54:25) WhamBangThud: When are you not allowed to eat?
(15:54:39) ditriech: to actually have time to cook a meal
(15:54:56) ditriech: mostly because I have to turn around a get right back up the next day
(15:55:48) WhamBangThud: Man, just go down the street and buy a sandwich and some fruit
(15:55:49) WhamBangThud: jesus
(15:55:57) ditriech: ...
(15:56:13) ditriech: then that brings out all other problems of costs
(15:56:20) ditriech: and affordability
(15:58:49) WhamBangThud: So you can afford WNDC beer and shopping carts full of cake, but 3.99 + $0.33 oranges are too much to keep from starving to death.
(15:59:06) WhamBangThud: Ditrienomics are fascinating
(15:59:11) ditriech: I do wndc once a month after commission checks
(15:59:51) ditriech: and I gave up cake for this month
(16:01:45) WhamBangThud: Why are you suddenly completely broke when you're single and working full time on a job where you make comission?
(16:01:57) ditriech: well, im not broke
(16:02:02) ditriech: I just really hate spending money

(16:04:22) WoodnShoePimp: so i'm supposed to kill you.
(16:04:23) WoodnShoePimp: back story?
(16:05:12) ditriech: something about how I'm not eating right and which bizzo thinks could be rectified by me going to harris teeter and buying fruit
(16:05:30) WoodnShoePimp: you should buy fruit
(16:05:37) WoodnShoePimp: maybe you'll poo more
(16:05:42) ditriech: well, yes
(16:05:49) ditriech: and I poo 5 times a week now
(16:06:15) WoodnShoePimp: i'm gonna shove bran down your throat until you're pooing twice a day
(16:06:24) ditriech: ...
(16:06:36) WoodnShoePimp: we're gonna have a bran bong
(16:06:38) ditriech: reasons why I'm not living with Dutch, #2199
(16:06:45) WoodnShoePimp: like a beer bong, but with bran
(16:07:30) WoodnShoePimp: seriously
(16:07:47) WoodnShoePimp: i'm gonna put like two pounds of bran in a blender with two beers and a pint of wiskey

(16:05:59) ditriech: ...
(16:06:07) ditriech: so you've decided to have me whacked?
(16:06:12) ditriech: THAT MAKES ME BETTER HOW?
(16:06:55) WhamBangThud: I have changed goals
(16:07:06) ditriech: no shit.
(16:07:14) WhamBangThud: From making you better, to never having to listen to you reason out loud again.
(16:07:52) WhamBangThud: kthxbai
(16:07:57) WhamBangThud has signed off.

THE COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA HAS SEEN FIT TO GIVE ME LEGAL VERIFICATION OF MY AGE! !!! And, as is my wont, I celebrate by listening to Jewel.

TO: The Dislist, Dislist Related Enterprise and Activities

FROM: ditriech, HNIC

DATE: 04/01/08

SUBJECT: NEW WORDS TO BE USED

In order to stay "hip" and "in touch" with the "youth" we've decided to change the words that we "use" with each other.

Henceforth instead of the word "obviously" we will use "obvs". And instead of the word "totally" we will use "totes".

Failure to comply will result in the offender being shot. Survivors will be shot again.

ditriech/CAJ

ADDENDUM:

The word 'nuff, may be used in place of "enough" on a trial basis. There shall be no penalty for this currently. Also, "obvi" can be used in place of "obvs" or the former word "obviously"

Background:

WhamBangThud: Forgot to send you this last week
ditriech: will watch when i get home
WhamBangThud: Obviously
ditriech: did you not get the memo? we say "obvs" instead of Obviously
ditriech: and "totes" instead of totally
ditriech: you didnt get that Memo?
WhamBangThud: ... may have burned it

There was about a 20 hour period of time in which I thought that it would be impossible for me to keep of the frantic pace of the Blog Thirty. But no. I was wrong. The BizNasty gives great post as per usual. Which of course gives me inspiration. And I, of course, give you convos. Because that's what I do.

WhamBangThud: Talking to Neidecker about campaign signs, domain names.
ditriech: ...
ditriech: for crom?
WhamBangThud: Course
ditriech: dutch and i have a plan we shall unveil after the election
WhamBangThud: ...
ditriech: what?
WhamBangThud: Nothing. Standard issue moment of terror
ditriech: i mean, if you want a website, lemme know
ditriech: i've got to get practice
ditriech: also, you know I'm working on a candidate for Crom to oppose
ditriech: actually, I've had this idea for a while
WhamBangThud: Dutch beat you to it
WhamBangThud: The whole idea is a throwback to an IM convo of ours months ago.
ditriech: ....
ditriech: was his candidate dfw by any chance?
WhamBangThud: ...
WhamBangThud: noooooooooooo
WhamBangThud: Adam
WhamBangThud: We can't use him for everything.
WhamBangThud: He is just a man.
WhamBangThud: He is not a delicious flavor of taffy.
WhamBangThud: Nor a car.
WhamBangThud: Nor Love.
ditriech: my new bicycle?
ditriech: email sent

ditriech: im thinking a DFW meetup would be awesome
ditriech: actually
WoodnShoePimp: yar
WoodnShoePimp: who else has read it in its entirety?
ditriech: biz
ditriech: ...
ditriech: bama
ditriech: that's it. that's the list
ditriech: I don't know actually
WoodnShoePimp: set up a mailmerge
WoodnShoePimp: send out an email to everyone on the dislist
WoodnShoePimp: but using a mailmerge so it's to that individual person
WoodnShoePimp: so fewer people will not respond than a mass email
ditriech: ...
ditriech: irn, we should just run a campaign next cycle. find some guy and say "YOU! YOU'RE RUNNING" and go for it
ditriech: ...mostly because im like "why I haven't I set up a mail merge before..."
WoodnShoePimp: okay
WoodnShoePimp: here's your dry run
WoodnShoePimp: set up a mail merge, and a haveyoureaddfw.com
WoodnShoePimp: and yes, it's avaiable
WoodnShoePimp: i know you're looking
ditriech: ...
ditriech: thank you
WoodnShoePimp: it must look at least as professional as hillary clinton's, only with fewer wicked witches of the west
WoodnShoePimp: hell just make it DFW for president
ditriech: dude.
WoodnShoePimp: what have i done
ditriech: I was already considering a "draft haysbert" site
WoodnShoePimp: oh
WoodnShoePimp: my
WoodnShoePimp: god
ditriech: and needed a suitable running mate
WoodnShoePimp: VOTE PHILOSOPHER KING IN 08
ditriech: but this, this is gold.
ditriech: holy shit. I might take a day off soon

WhamBangThud: ... the Allstate guy?
ditriech: ....
ditriech: nooooooooo
WhamBangThud: Um, yes. Yes it completely is
WhamBangThud: WTF?
ditriech: nah, it isnt
ditriech: though we could honestly do a week of presidential candidates
ditriech: and by "could" i mean "probably will"
ditriech: and I blame you
WhamBangThud: WHY DENNIS HAYSBERT
WhamBangThud: WHY IS HE A PHILOSOPHER KING
WhamBangThud: ALLSTATE'S STAND IS NOT A PHILOSOPHY.
WhamBangThud: IT'S JUST SOME BIG HANDS
ditriech: and damn them some big hands
ditriech: ;)
ditriech: that’s totally not creepy in gChat
WhamBangThud: ...
WhamBangThud: You still haven't answered the fookin question
ditriech: i will in my post
ditriech: that is, if it is haysbert

(11:58:35) YoungerSpyKnots: Oh, I also bitched out ABC News for the debate last night.
(11:58:39) YoungerSpyKnots: Comment forms are fun.
(11:59:05) ditriech: haha
(11:59:23) YoungerSpyKnots: Because honestly.

So I know you remember before when I was mad at my home state of Ohio due to their restrictions on my being able to receive a new Identification card. Apparently, the Commonwealth doesn't want me to drink either.

(10:42:34) ditriech: im not going to be able to get an id
(10:43:05) WoodnShoePimp: what?
(10:43:46) ditriech: http://dmvnow.com/webdoc/pdf/dmv141.pdf
(10:44:05) ditriech: I need two identification documents
(10:44:20) WoodnShoePimp: what?
(10:44:23) WoodnShoePimp: so you're really screwed
(10:44:35) ditriech: yeah
(10:48:20) WoodnShoePimp: Certified copy of school records/transcript issued by a school accredited by a U.S. state
(10:48:23) WoodnShoePimp: call up kenyon
(10:48:27) WoodnShoePimp: request a transcript
(10:50:23) WoodnShoePimp: i think that's the only way you can do it
(10:50:29) ditriech: yeah
(10:50:35) WoodnShoePimp: you don't have your ss card?
(10:51:24) ditriech: I didn't see that as an id
(10:51:28) ditriech: one second
(10:52:22) ditriech: yeah, I don't see that as acceptable proof of id
(10:54:13) ditriech: this is such a stupid state
(10:55:01) WoodnShoePimp: ...
(10:55:09) WoodnShoePimp: you're from ohio
(10:55:30) ditriech: yeah, but to get an id you only need birth certificate and ssc
(10:55:50) ditriech: the ssc isn't even valid proof of identity in this state
(10:55:59) ditriech: even with birth certificate
(10:56:17) ditriech: "oh, you have your ssc? that's great. still can't get an id"
(10:56:33) ditriech: (kid with high school transcript gets his id)
(10:56:36) WoodnShoePimp: it's not?
(10:56:38) WoodnShoePimp: shit
(10:56:46) ditriech: (girl with gun license gets her id)
(10:57:17) WoodnShoePimp: Virginia Criminal Justice Agency Offender Information Form
(10:57:19) WoodnShoePimp: is
(10:57:21) WoodnShoePimp: but ssc is not
(10:57:25) ditriech: yeah
(10:57:37) ditriech: so a criminal can get their id before I can
(10:57:40) ditriech: like I said
(10:57:42) ditriech: stupid state
(10:58:03) ditriech: PROBATION OFFENDER FORM IS VALID
(10:58:27) ditriech: so someone who violated their parole can go to a bar and drink BUT I CAN'T
(10:58:39) WoodnShoePimp: so call up kenyon and get your transcript
(10:58:51) WoodnShoePimp: or take a greyhound back to the hog
(10:58:54) ditriech: have to write or fax
(10:58:57) WoodnShoePimp: i think those are your only option
(10:59:06) ditriech: can't go on a greyhound without a valid photo id
(10:59:16) ditriech: im doing the kenyon thing tomorrow when I get to work
(10:59:21) ditriech: but this is so stupid
(10:59:25) WoodnShoePimp: yes
(10:59:33) WoodnShoePimp: you can't greyhound without an ID?
(10:59:36) ditriech: nope
(10:59:51) ditriech: well, they made me show mine when I went to col
11:01:19) WoodnShoePimp: weird
11:03:36) WoodnShoePimp: that's pretty shitty

The major question is will this derail the WNDC? The Leader unable to drink? Or even get into the bar?

HAW HAW HAW!

We are so doing it if we have to do it at my house. I'm so cereal.