hockey

A little known fact is that Dutch, Bizzo and I (me?) send a lot of emails to each other. And by "we send a lot of emails to each other" I mean "I send a lot of emails to Dutch and Bizzo and Dutch responds."

....

Ok, that's not totally true. Dutch sends emails sometimes too. And Biz responds to 1/10^sd of them. But still. A lot of emails. Some of them turn into posts, some of them are us just pretty much saying things like "Jesus", "That's Awesome" and "Holy Shit."

This, my friends, fits into both categories.

I mean, I know I'm prone to hyperbole, but this is the Greatest YouTube Video ever. No. Seriously, It deserves the caps. It really is that good. I mean, we all agree about how awesome this one video is. And we never agree on anything. Except maybe drinking. And Zombies. And the Nortonic cause.

I digress Here:

I know it features "Sirius" by The Alan Parsons Project, which was first^sd2 featured prominently in the 90s Bulls campaigns^sd3. But still. It is the greatest thing you will ever watch on youtube ever.

You're Welcome.

Like BHGP^sd4 says:

Let's recap what just happened. The mascot did all of the following in rapid succession:

1. Appeared from a constellation (Ursa Major, to be precise, and folks, this is one major fucking Ursa)
2. Exploded in a blue nuclear shockwave that destroyed an entire planet that was probably full of nonbelievers
3. Flew around space to Kenny Loggins' classic "Highway to the Danger Zone," even though you're not supposed to be able to hear things in space
4. Acquired a cosmic hockey stick from who the fuck knows where
5. Made its own fucking wormhole for intergalactic travel
6. Growled at everybody and bared its teeth
7. Used said cosmic hockey stick to knock a satellite into another dimension for no discernable reason
8. Made our moon completely explode by flying very close to it and growling again extra hard
9. Came to Earth in order to flatten the entire city of Anchorage with its atomic bomb powers
10. Ran over 300 miles to Fairbanks in about 5 seconds instead of showing remorse over the genocide it just committed
11. Found the one building in the entire city with electricity and tore its roof off
12. Jumped into said arena and wrecked the playing surface the teams were hoping to use
13. Made Metallica's music play sheerly by force of will, and the good Metallica, none of this Whiskey in the Jaro[sic] shit
14. Went back into his own logo, which is now covered in exploding blue flames

Seriously, this video needs to be watch by everyone in America. It might even be able to solve the Health Care crisis^sd5. I know that I was sick before I watched it like 50 times, and now I feel better. Of course, that could be the vodka. You never know with me!

Watch it now. It made me like Alaska again.^sd6

For the record.

And for extra points.

.

Welcome to the first Bloody Sunday. Where every Sunday, I blog about the week in NHL Hockey and anything I can tangentially relate to NHL hockey. Like Islam. Or tape.

But before I invent the "Sticky Minaret," today is October 12. The NHL 2008-2009 season is underway, and Fucking Surreal right out of the gate. Here's what's going on with:

Paul Newman

He died this past month. 2008 is the year we lose great men, apparently. Not just famous ones, but the truly good.

Our Diary

Bizzo says it best: The first one of us to get a girlfriend who needs that cover-up and owns things like that, we punch him in the face.

Until he dies.

Mostly because we don't really hinder drinking in our mates. Hint to all you lovely ladies out there.

Palindromes?

Fuck and yes.

I'm.. a cake!

This will come into better play soon. I presume.

I love everything about this.

Except (and you knew there was an "except" coming, don't lie) about the whole thing is the "PostScript". Because. Really? You can outdrink me? Griz? NORTON IN GENERAL?

...

I'm sorry. I just don't think that you can sir. Give me a date and I [read Griz and/or me in that order] will destroy you. especially if it is a straight beer competition. It's not like we started a drinking club fraternity that believes in drinking while we were 19 or anything. Or that we started a Drinking club or anything. No. We hate alcohol.

Seriously, not to start a "blog war" or anything (because I have a lot better things to do with my life than a blog war. Like 'wash'. Or 'masturbate'. Or 'Drink copious amounts of alcohol'. But seriously, don't say you can "drink people under the table" Seeing as I, personally, starting drinking at 0300 on Thursday. And I'm still drinking)

(sd: More women should wear 'beaters)

The media still hates Barack Obama.Fucking Onion and their disproportianate views on the candidates.

SULLY WHATS UP? (I say this becuase a majority of whats coming up will be due to Andrew Sullivan, so there is no point in 94% [i.e. Dutch and Bizzo] of the confessions readership even clicking these links.

We are neurotic

Well, thats not what the site is called. Its call "I am neurotic", but I'll be damned if I ever share my neuroticism on a site that I don't write myself.

...

Or something.

THIS IS MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT GODDAMMIT

And that's all I got to say about that.

The Wire moves to real life

It happens. Sheeeeeeeeeeit. It happens to the best of us.

This is not for Lesjack.At all.

Seriously. It isn't. But who doesn't love JoPa? Losers. That's who.

Aight. I have to go. Drinking and "The Unit" have taken my mind over. Or Something. I have more posts for this month, so don't worry.

--

The D d.

(01:02:57) WhamBangThud: wow
(01:02:59) ditriech: yeah
(01:03:02) ditriech: ...
(01:03:15) ditriech: btb, I just double clicked to im you to say the same thingi
(01:03:25) WhamBangThud: As they might say in Ohio, "WHAM"
(01:03:31) ditriech: Two points?
(01:03:56) ditriech: ah. now you see what I did there
WhamBangThud is typing
WhamBangThud has stopped typing
(01:07:35) WhamBangThud: Sorry, I'm distracted by a replay of a victory speech given just before it was revealed you didn't win.
(01:07:40) WhamBangThud: It's a fascinating artifact
(01:07:47) ditriech: Hills?
(01:07:55) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:07:56) WhamBangThud: ?
(01:08:10) ditriech: the speech?
(01:08:26) WhamBangThud: Oh. Right yes.
(01:08:32) WhamBangThud: Her. Not the landmass.
(01:08:38) WhamBangThud: Indeed
(01:08:55) ditriech: though, if the landmass was giving a speech
(01:08:58) ditriech: I'd take heed
(01:09:00) ditriech: seriously
(01:09:05) ditriech: what was the final margin
(01:09:17) ditriech: im only getting 51/49 hills here
(01:09:55) WhamBangThud: Everyone's saying that, or 50/50 with percentages
(01:10:04) WhamBangThud: either way, it's a Not Win.
(01:10:10) WhamBangThud: A Fail, if you will.
(01:10:15) WhamBangThud: As the kids say.

(01:10:29) ditriech: they do say that
(01:11:52) WhamBangThud: I kind of want Rocks to play the finisher tomorrow.
(01:12:31) WhamBangThud: Have the pack of supers he kept quiet all declare first thing in the morning.
(01:12:42) WhamBangThud: "Now that the people have spoken"
(01:13:05) WhamBangThud: Then just shut up and let both Clintons say whatever damn fool thing it occurs to them to say.
(01:14:01) WhamBangThud: Go to some island until the 3rd, have long, angry, post-ivy-league sex, send the kids snorkeling, and pick up a tan before the convention.
(01:14:06) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:14:08) WhamBangThud: wait.
(01:14:31) ditriech: yeah, the snorkeling was a stretch
(01:16:10) WhamBangThud: Yeah, I'll try and calm down. I'm getting crazy with these predicticators.
(01:16:26) ditriech: lil' bit, yeah
01:23:01) WhamBangThud: Finals are in
01:23:12) WhamBangThud: 50.7%, she wins it
(01:23:20) ditriech: "wins"
01:23:41) WhamBangThud: Lead went from 95,000 votes when she declared victory to under 40,000.
01:24:02) WhamBangThud: Combined with NC, this makes it a -7 delegate night.
01:24:15) WhamBangThud: God damn.
(01:24:27) ditriech: best night ever for Rocks fans like myself
01:25:09) WhamBangThud: She's going to win WV by a lot, he's going to win Oregon. I bet he takes MT by a (slight) suprise. Give her Idaho and Rico.
01:25:37) WhamBangThud: Then split the remaining supers 50% ... which is AMAZINGLY optimistic for Hillary
01:25:43) WhamBangThud: and ... he still wins.
(01:25:46) ditriech: yup
01:26:15) WhamBangThud: Unless they find the bodies of 30 or more molested children with the whole family's teeth marks on the bones,
01:26:38) WhamBangThud: We're looking at the Democratic candidate for President of the United States.
(01:26:53) ditriech: Finally, I pick a winner
01:26:56) WhamBangThud: And latest count has his money lead over the Repubs in the tens of millions.
01:27:11) WhamBangThud: Jesus.
01:27:32) WhamBangThud: I still remember the block of the city I was on when we first talked about the possibility of him even RUNNING.
(01:28:04) ditriech: yeah, I remember when he gave the speech in 04
(01:28:33) ditriech: that's when i feel in love
(01:28:48) ditriech: or, as they say, got a crush on Obama
01:30:51) WhamBangThud: ... are you dancing right now in a halter top?
(01:31:03) ditriech: noooo
01:31:33) WhamBangThud: ...
(01:31:54) ditriech: she's pretty hot though
(01:32:03) ditriech: I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers
(01:32:05) ditriech: ....
01:32:57) WhamBangThud: ...
01:33:06) WhamBangThud: Goodnight then
(01:33:10) ditriech: night
01:33:23) WhamBangThud: FUCK YEAH
01:33:28) WhamBangThud: AMERICA
(01:33:32) ditriech: AMER--
(01:33:34) ditriech: DAMMITT

And possibly spelling. But whatever, I'm watching Ducks 1 and really miss my brothers right now.

Fuck you life.

A strange sensation. Rocks is taking a brilliant spread of states, raising more money, and daring the Clintons to break the party or lose.

They'll break it of course, but still.

Meanwhile, I've done research. This actually happened.

And ... Look. Who's. Here.

The Buffalo Sabres read Confessions. So why don't you?

Seriously. Either it's all the unexpected victory, or this is a real rash. I'll report back when they invent a Cream of Despair and we can double-blind.

HOCKEY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!

So shut up.

Love,
Bizzo

The only reason I didn't mention it sooner? I was without running water or a phone the whole week it happened. There was this black dog that wouldn't stop following us. Long story.

This is the kind of thing you'd make up around the sixth or seventh Molson Ice - Just behind Chris Rock's LeBron fantasy in terms of plausible hockey. If only Edmonton had won it ... not only has no one ever deserved to lose more ... but it's DALLAS. I believe the tears of Dallas fans cure cancer. I believe they play every player in every sport covered in the blood of the goat. I believe they celebrate every victory inside the anus of the goat. The only way this moment could be better is if the city of Dallas had to suffer just a little bit more.