entertainment

Ok. So.

ksg just informed me that the wonderful website "facebook.com" is having a thing.

Wait, let me mostly explain that. They have a section in which you can beta test something for facebook.  Fuck if i know what it is. But, you have both an interesting question and answer to that question facebook might consider you! 

Or steal your info! Whatever!

Anyhoo, the link is here. And the contest is this: you the reader (writer) of cofabg will write a question and we the writers (readers) will answer it in our very own facebook beta test thing. You can either post a comment here, email to cofabg@gmail.com or you know im us. If you know our screennames. Which, i'm sure you do. Because the only people that read cofabg _also_ write for cofabg.

So let's go!

Sometimes you get the bear and sometime the bear gets you.

Ok, I have no idea what that means. But sometimes, so-ometimes you find the YouTube of the week by accident. You are just reading along and it hits you. You see, this week (if I get this post up first), the YouTube of the Week is about hope. And triumph. And the perseverance of the human spirit. Or, its a trailer from an awesome documentary, you decide.

You see American Movie could probably be made about me. In like 5 years. This is mostly because one of my life goals is to have a documentary made about me. Because my life is awesome. But the difference between myself and Mark Borchardt is that I have many obsessions. I mean I have Ohio State Football^sd, I have cofabg, I have the Republic of Nortonia. Borchardt has a singular focus. Coven. Coven is the thing that consumes his life. I mean, I could go on about what American Movie means to me and the American dream and all of that. But I advise you go watch it. Its free on YouTube until the end of the month. Also, it is Rated R, so you need to have a Google or YouTube account to view it. But I know that Bizzo and Dutch have both of them.

Raised Glass to the Mental Floss Blog, one of my favorite blogs on the tubes.

In the inaugural episode of "Idiot Safari," the semi-regular blog of inane world happenings, Warthog and Bizzo discuss "Savanna Seduction" OR "How To Kill Time In Malawi."

Warthog: sure but don't say I didn't warn you if you get sick
Warthog: Cop: Hey you there! SHEEP FUCKER!...DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE!?!
Bizzo: HAHAHAHAHAH
Warthog: OMG it is spreading...
Warthog: Little known factoid..."According to some information sourced on the internet, bestiality was punishable by death under the Mosaic Law."....thank you Africa News
Bizzo: Fears of the Swine Flu have receded, replaced by a creeping pandemic of Goat Sex Fever.
Warthog: hahahahahah
Bizzo: Which is like Cat Scratch Fever
Bizzo: Except terrifying
Warthog: ROFL
Warthog: "Kadewere is alleged to have had sex with a she-goat end last month."...."Makalani also revealed that Kadewere has been on the run ever since police were notified of the act." I love that juxtaposition
Warthog: Makalani: "FREEZE GOAT FUCKER!" Kadewere: "RUN BETSY!"

And if I keep my schedule tomorrow, I may even explain why.

.

Fuck this movie. And the next one, where Mel Gibson saves Mongolia. Or Brad Pitt frees Chile. Or fucking whatever.

Saw Quantum of Solace Sunday. Also saw it the Sunday before that, but that's neither here nor there. What is here is that this movie has exactly one good viewing in it. There's not two, so don't try to watch it again and expect it to still be palatable. The vaguely ridiculous things that you excuse the first time because, what the hell, it's Bond, become extraordinarily grating the second time around. You see that these scenes are not Bond at all. It's the obvious comparison, but suffice it to say I enjoyed the fights a lot more when Matt Damon was in them. And that hotel at the end, really? A fire that produces no smoke and no heat and consumes no oxygen? I know it's a movie but COME ON. Maybe it's just the dissonance between hyper-realistic fights and things that could only happen in a writers' room that irks me. Pick an end of the scale and commit. P.S.: You're Bond. You know which end you need to be on.

In fact, the classic Bond moments are the only things that still work well - the lottery quip was worthy of Connery, and Craig hits it as well as you can hit a line in a foreign language. The Goldfinger shout-out was pretty gratuitous, but at least they attempted to justify it. I really hope they continue to move in this direction. Angsty Bond is over for me. It worked for the storyline, but I miss seeing him just having fun out there.

It's official. Or at least as official as it's going to get. One more excellent show headed down the tubes, and for what? Another reality competition results show or, God help us, more According to Jim? Sweet. That's good television. Who needs Sports Night and Firefly, or Arrested Development and Veronica Mars? Surely not me! What I really need is another hour of Deal or No Deal because FUCK! I love seeing bimbos opening briefcases!

But as easy as it would be to rage against the network execs here -- and they certainly have a track record to consider -- America is at fault, too. That may sound pretentious, but Pushing Daisies lost in its time slot to Knight Rider. KNIGHT RIDER. What is wrong with this country? Maybe we need an entertainment meltdown to get people's heads on straight, to make them sit up and take notice of how shitty things have gotten -- hey, it worked for politics.

Volume a lot.

reasoning:

(15:24:33) Bizzo: I know how to write "Amelia Earhart" in Korean.
(15:24:48) ditriech: ....
(15:24:52) ditriech: why?
(15:26:47) Bizzo: It's hilarious you expect there to be a reason.
(15:27:24) ditriech: I don't, actually. it just seemed better to type "why?" instead of "..." again.
(15:27:33) Bizzo: hahaha
(15:27:58) Bizzo: New York County absentee ballot instructions and samples.
(15:28:02) Bizzo: I saves them
(15:28:19) Bizzo: They include samples in Spanish, Mandarin, and Korean.
(15:28:31) Bizzo: And the sample election is between Edison and Earhart.
(15:28:49) ditriech: VOTE TOMMY E!
(15:28:56) ditriech: EDISON FOR AMERICA!
(15:28:57) ditriech: ...
(15:28:59) ditriech: shit.
(15:29:16) Bizzo: hahaha
(15:29:26) Bizzo: I was really tempted to write him in
(15:29:37) Bizzo: "But the instructions said!

Ways last night's debate could have been better, Volume 1:

Remember when VPs and Senators used to shoot and beat each other to death over this stuff? I don't either. But that's conviction!

Because when I phone it in, you at least know from where.

WTC post tonight.

~

A sad little truth about our generation is that our liberal protests suck. We have no idea what we're doing.

80% of the people at any given march will be making puppets, juggling, having a cook-out, selling zen videos ... just playing around. Another 10% will be the sad 64 year old men who started "marching for justice" forty years ago, have tenure, and haven't seen the outside of a Peace Action or a classroom since. Then 5% or so are the actual organizers of the actual protest with a specific goal in mind.

I dare you to get in the middle of one of these and figure out what that is, btw. You will be asked to sign about 50 petitions, get yelled at about oil, mineral water, prisoner's rights, marijuana, the G8, the Iraq War, local agriculture, The Fact That No Person Is Illegal, alternative medicine, carbon offsets ... mostly you will be asked to sign and buy things. These protests aren't political action, they're a lifestyle carnival. Jamba Juice, a division of Nestle', will have a tent set up. Doing great blended-grass-and-sugar business with the Revolutionaries who need a cooldown between drum circles, seminars, and t-shirt shopping.

But none of this would be any fun without the Anarchists. That last 5%. The same 20 white kids in tight jeans, snot-catching bandanas, and jackets that were countercultural back before Rancid left California. Their purpose is to break things and bait the police.

Then, when some poor shlub's pet shop has its display window caved in (take that, Corporate Power!), there can be footage of the police attacking the crowd, trying to disperse it to get at the Pleather Power Punks. They never do, of course. Those kids are young and move fast. The old hippies and tourists take a pummeling for them.

Once the groups that want it have footage of this American Fascism, and all the bracelets have been sold, and the time on the parade permit runs out, everyone packs up and goes home. It's an operation with all the banal consistency of a state fair. And does nothing to change our dialouge.

Actually, that was an insult to state fairs.

Vote Democrat this year until the lever falls off. Despite and not because of this nonsense.