Awesomeness

Eccentricity is good.

No. Wait. Let me back up a bit.

Ten years ago Dutch, Bizzo, myself and a number of other miscreants were lucky enough to be placed in the same hall. This hall, named Norton Hall after David Z. Norton, a philanthropist from the great city of Cleveland, OH^sd, was the beginning of my growth into the person that I am today. Which, for the most part, I'm pretty happy with^sd2.

Before Norton, I was a completely shy, unadjusted, and overall really sad kid. I basically had (have?) no friends from high school outside of my now ex-girlfriend^sd3. No friends from middle or elementary school. None from my neighborhood, really. I just never fit in anywhere.

But fittingly on the day of my 18th birthday, that arbitrary day in which you become "a man^sd4" I started to grow up. Or, at least, found people who were accepting of my, well, eccentricity.

I can't put into words how big of a deal this was for me. Coming from an entire lifetime of not fitting in and being too different and unable to figure out how to achieve any semblance of normality, and moving on to a situation in which I was accepted damn near immediately did wonders for my psyche. Because of Norton, I am ditriech. Which, makes sense actually. Partially because I registered the (highly inventive) screenname ditriech on 8/29/01 with AIM. But mostly because my entire level of comfort of who and what ditriech and ditriech_actual are stems from meeting, knowing, and becoming friends with these extraordinary people.

That is to say they accepted my eccentricity. Mostly. Because some of the shit I do still fucks with Dutch. But thems the breaks.

But what's the point behind all of this? Well, on this day in 1859, one of the more eccentric American personalities in history, Emperor Joshua Norton I became emperor of these United States. Oh, and protector of Mexico.

I mean, I could get into how he deposed Congress, abolished both the Democratic and Republican parties and, most awesomely, banned the word "Frisco" over the years. But that's not the point of Emperor Norton I. Hell, there are probably homeless people throughout DC that have this shit done by 0900.

What is important about Emperor Norton I is that he was accepted. Norton dined for free--with his dogs--in the finest restaurants in the city. He was given balcony seats in theaters across San Francisco. But the best example of his acceptance occurred in 1867, when he was arrested on the grounds of insanity. Newspaper editorials were written decrying the incident and he was subsequently released, received a formal apology from the Chief of Police and was saluted by police on the streets. No one man should have all that power.

Especially one that doesn't fit in anywhere else.

So happy Emperor Norton Day from all of us here at Psi Upper Norton

So.

Apparently we're starting this again.

Well, apparently Dutch started writing again with this and as we all know, as Dutch goes, so goes the Norton^sd.

But I mean, it makes sense that we'd be writing again. I'm, again, working at a mall. I'm, again, hating life^sd2. And, again, I'm drinking heavily. Well, semi-heavily^sd3

But srsly.

The plan is for us to randomly, but more frequently, use this blog as an elaborate ways to make fun of each other and spark debate amongst each other. I'm probably going to write mostly about the maddening insanity^sd4 that is my life, television, and NASCAR.

The last one solely to piss Dutch off. And the first one will probably be done better, but a lot more, well, existential over here. And yes, probably there will be a shit ton of side/footnotes. This is for two reasons. a) because apparently, my mind does not live on the same plane as everyone else's b) a tribute to DFW, patron saint of Upper Norton and, naturally, cofabg.

So.

Here we go. Again.

Oh!

I have it on good authority that Advice Dog might answer questions again soon. You can ask him questions via email at advice.dog.at.psiuppernorton.com or on formspring.

There will soon be tumblr integretation for him too. So don't fret.

[22:18] ditriech: what is this. i dont even
[22:19] WhamBangThud: DEATH PICKLE
[22:19] ditriech: how did you know what i call it?
WhamBangThudsigned off from "gmail.DFFAA63A" at 22:22.

Welcome once again to my favorite weekly post, Always Bet with Black. And, as per usually, we kick things off with a picture from Britty.

"happy will kill you", by Britty

Ah. She's her brother's sister ain't she?

Anyhoo, for reasons known only to him, instead of the old format, young dits has decided to pick all of the bodog.com games. He insists that this will make it easier for you, the reader and consumer.

What he's doing is that he's showing you the spreads they have (pretty much the initial ones) and what he's betting on, using a gambling term known as "units". The units, typically, will vary week to week. But it's basically a confidence rating. That's really all you need to know.

We'll keep track of both his actual money picks and his total picks. Possibly even picks by conference.

Also: we have no idea if Random Numbers is coming back this year, because of the Dutchman being busy with actual things. But we do know that Rabbit Day will be back.

Because it is awesome.

Picks below the jump?

Today's BSOW, which I'm like 85% sure I've done before but am too lazy to check, is "Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky. For two, very good reasons.

1) It is Frakking Awesome.

2) It is the beginning of "FNL" here in the Mind of a ditriech.

Ok. Let me explain the latter point.

I have a bunch of weird rules, traditions and shit that I do because I'm not normal. Like at all. Most of them revolve around football, predominately Ohio State football now.^sd. One of these traditions, that I'm pretty sure no one knew of before like now^sd2 is FNL.

It's simple enough really, Basically, starting with the first Friday of August (i.e. today) I watch FNL every Friday until the collegiate football season is over if at all humanely possible. This is, actually, quite normal for me so far. The insane part started about 2 or 3 years ago when I decided that just watching the movie wasn't enough. I had to make a drinking game out of it. This too, isn't all that odd. The worst part is that I made a drinking fantasy game.

That I play by myself.

For like 16 weeks.

Well, technically 15. The first week is like a preseason to get me used to drinking Miller Lite again.

...

At home that is^sd4

But yeah, in case you were wondering the rules go like this:

Points are only counted during the 30 minutes pregame before you are watching FNL^sd3, during the movie itself and for an hour after, but only if a) you don't immediately watch something else and b) you play at least three songs from the sdtk while drinking.

...

I know

Continuing: each 12 oz can/bottle of Miller Lite is 5 points.

Each 12 oz can/bottle of Miller High Life is worth 4.5 points

Each 12 oz can/bottle of MGD is worth 4 points

Each 12 oz can of The Beast is worth 3.5 points.

For each 24 oz you drink, you add 1 point to the score. For each 40 oz, 2 points. For each 22 oz, add 0.8 points.

Highest point total after The Game wins. Low man has to buy the high man a beer.

It's fun. I'll be updating throughout the year via twitter.

Explosions in the Sky
Your Hand in Mine
The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place/Friday Night Lights sdtk

ditriech: should i bring tang? 14:40
zero dutch: No 14:40
ditriech: buzzkill. 14:50
zero dutch: Weirdo 14:51

Ok. So.

ksg just informed me that the wonderful website "facebook.com" is having a thing.

Wait, let me mostly explain that. They have a section in which you can beta test something for facebook.  Fuck if i know what it is. But, you have both an interesting question and answer to that question facebook might consider you! 

Or steal your info! Whatever!

Anyhoo, the link is here. And the contest is this: you the reader (writer) of cofabg will write a question and we the writers (readers) will answer it in our very own facebook beta test thing. You can either post a comment here, email to cofabg@gmail.com or you know im us. If you know our screennames. Which, i'm sure you do. Because the only people that read cofabg _also_ write for cofabg.

So let's go!

I BLOG THIS FROM A LAND OF ICE AND SNOW BLISTERING FUCKING HEAT. I MEAN JESUS DC, WHAT THE FUCK.

Ahem. Sorry for that. Mostly.

Anyhoo, I really wanted to, you know, jump back into blogging today. Or something. But I had a minor problem of electricity loss^sd for the past week or so. Or exactly one week. I cant remember. It’s not like it’s been so hot the only way I was able to keep cool was by drinking beer or anything. No! Never!

I am good at very few things.^sd

One of those things is pontificating about things in which i have no real reason to pontificate on. Politics is (are?) one of those things. So, seeing as I have the forum and/or soapbox to do so, I might as well make use of it.

Anyhoo.

I was watching The Colbert Report^sd2 and some guy^sd3 was talking about California's new proposed law (initiative?) that makes partisan primaries, well, illegal. Basically, what would happen is that there would be an open primary and the top two vote getters would be in the actual election.

To be honest I’m not totally against this. Partially because of Colbert’s reaction. He says, basically, that this will create more elected moderates. Now, again, I’m not a guy who’s in the in on politics and who does what and how much senator x plays to the base and how much he plays to the corporations, but I don’t really see this as a bad idea. Like seriously. This is probably one of the better ideas I’ve seen come out of politics in a while.

Look, in most states/districts, the primary is laughable anyway. Like the OH-11 (where humble ditriech is from) has been solidly Dem since 1983 (the year young ditriech was born). And it’s not just there. The California 5th, the Michigan 15th and the Pennsylvania 2nd have been solid Democrat since 1949, 1933 (when the frakking district was created), and 1949 respectively. And the Louisiana 1st, Missouri 8th, Wyoming at large and the Tennessee 2nd have been Republican since 1977, 1981, 1979 (when former Vice President Dick “Go fuck yourself” Cheney was the rep) and 1867.

Seriously. Think about that last one. A non-Republican hasn’t won the Tennessee 2nd since the fucking Civil War for frak’s sake. What is the point of a partisan primary there?

And in the competitive states, the candidates that better represent their constituents interests, regardless of party, will typically be in the top two. So how is this bad? How is the fact that an elected official accurately represents where they come from a bad thing? Why can’t we do this a) in California, and b) everywhere?

Playing to extremists obviously isn't working. I mean, that’s what got us these Tea Partiers and the fact that they can actually change Republican primaries^sd4 to begin with isn't it? Let’s govern America by actual Americans with actual beliefs instead of a party line. At the very least, it would be shit tons more fun.