[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.psiuppernorton.com/flash/fivetowntrailer.swf" width="330" height="240"/]

In my free time, I've created yet another Flash Movie.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.psiuppernorton.com/flash/wayswordtrailer.swf" width="330" height="240"/]
That is the trailer. The full movie is available down below.

About three months ago, I set out to write this post. It was the day before St. Patrick's Day, and I had given up drinking for Lent. Which, I must say, is not the smartest thing I've ever done, though it wasn't the dumbest thing either. Actually, the dumbest thing I've ever done was ...well, it's not really important. Let's come back down from that statement.

Anyhoo, when I first looked at it, the post and this topic, I mainly focused on my relationship with drinking, which is actually the longest relationship that I've had in the entirety of my life. This, actually, is saying a lot of things and most of them really aren't all that swell. But we'll deal with that at a later date.

It's possible I am the Touch of Death.

That and Ray Emery just dusted off his application for the Patrick Stefan/Special Olympics Hall of Fame.

I can't wait until that clip is released ...

Why in the name of Drunken Laughing Jesus am I now depressed because the SENATORS have only a marginal chance of digging themselves out of a 3-1 deficit they created through an uncharacteristic lack of discipline? Why is my little boy soul lined up to be kicked in the balls, on behalf of the guys who last kicked it in the balls? And Why is Lord Stanley moving from Tampa, to Carolina, to SoCal ... stopping nowhere there is snow on the ground, or natural ice, in say, DECEMBER?

... Why am I actually going to watch this game?

"Because our frontal lobes are too small, and our adrenal glands are too big, and ..."

You know what? SHUT YER HOLE, booky McLiverspots!

Ooooooh ... oh .... ooooooo Canadaaaaaa ...

PS: I love that he misspells "wife."

During Captain Kirk’s trial, General Chang (Christopher Plummer) asks Kirk a question and then shouts, “Don’t wait for the translation, answer me now!” This is a reference to U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson’s confrontation at the United Nations with Soviet Ambassador Valerian Zorin over Cuban missile bases during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Plummer uses the exact same line nine years later in the TNT television miniseries Nuremberg while his character, Sir David Maxwell-Fyfe, is cross-examining Nazi Hermann Göring.

This makes me happy in oh so many ways. One being, if you're a nerdy white kid growing up in Buffalo, Hamilton ON is actually a great place to go. Hell, they had that lower drinking age and never asked questions. Most of the kids up there could read. Their Summer Shakespeare festival wasn't the biggest around, but was very solid.

Also, nerdy Canadian girls are hot.

Good times ...

I mean ... uh ... BEER! FRIED FOODS! VIOLENCE!

YES!

Game Two!

Yes, we're now into the next damn series. My excuse? There was an angry bear with weird ideas about the nature of the Bill of Rights and subsequent interpretation. He needed to be set right. Then we needed to do shots.

But somewhere in there, I managed to watch some hockey. So, with the benefit of a little hindsight, this. is. your. Semifinals.

EAST

1) Da Sabres vs. The Cast of Glengarry Glen Ross
Result: Buffalo in Six
Bizzometer: Right on target (though I can’t prove any of these …).
Comments: I can’t decide whether that “should” or “shouldn’t” have gone to 7. Clearly Chris Drury was not born of woman, but then again we got bounce-robbed all over Game 5 anyway. Goes to show how random and terrifying the playoffs can be. And how quickly a series can tun on you. Ask the Sharks.

2) Blatantly French Team vs. New Jersey Devils
Result: Ottawa in Five
Bizzometer: Would have said 7
Comments: Another disappointing performance in the East, another “shoe-in” humiliated. The Senators are the real thing, but after games 1 and 2 Jersey should have seen that their pacing and their backchecking patterns WERE NOT WORKING. Jersey was a more solid squad than the Penguins, but had the same rigidity problem. They play one game. Once it breaks, it’s broken.

WEST

1) San Jose vs. Nicklas Lidstrom, the Magical Flying Car
Result: Detroit in Six
Bizzometer: I had them in Seven.
Comments: Our boat is exactly big enough. Detroit is the most old-school, individual-play team that will see a final this year. Even though it didn’t look good on paper, you never count out a bunch of crazy old men. They’re like this improv troupe that’s been together since the 70’s, and now they can only book Vegas, but the show’s a national treasure, and the 11:30 manages to be completely different from the 8:15. How can you not applaud?

2) Walt’s Warriors vs. Very Endangered Species
Result: Ducks in Five
Bizzometer: Was turned off. Because why bother?
Comments: The Ducks are a beautiful team, but they’re annoying the hell out of me. This was the easiest set of draws they could have hoped for. There were two other teams in the West that could give them a run in any series. They ducked facing one, and now will meet the other after it’s been whaled on by real competition, and is down two starting defensemen. Combine that with the most padded, well-negotiated last month schedule in the league, and they’ve been fighting left-handed, for fun, while posing for pictures, since March. Disney. Disney. Disney. Living life at California Speed. Waxin’ skates and whitening teeth. Not that they wouldn’t have made the final anyway … but it’s supposed to be harder than this.

Let’s go.

Steve Nash, thirty years from now, around a campfire, with an acoustic guitar, singing to the bunch of 12 year olds attending his Peace, Love, & Basketball Skills Youth Camp, a week before running off to Burning Man with Nowitzki and Cuban, artfully expressing away the pain of decades of disappointment:

Once upon a time
They called me the bleeder
Well swimmin' up this river
With sentimental fever
But this ain't my first ride
It ain't my last try
Just got to keep a-movin' on
If they catch me ever
They'll throw me back forever

I guess I should be ashamed
But I forget to be vain
Well I did the best I could I guess
But everything just bleeds
They say you're only sad and lonely
And no one is impressed

Except at this moment Nash realizes that Tony Parker married that chick from desperate housewives, now the hottest milf since Posh Spice, and that it is Nash who is sad and lonely. He weeps. The children look on blankly.

Bama, you didn't know that below Siberian Public Access (which is itself hockey), there are the two stations devoted to the Baltic States League (Division 1 and Division 2, which allows dogs and piglets to play if they make weight)? Glad to see you're getting some culture.

Meanwhile, on NBC in Friday night primetime, I was watching this:

Then this:

And no. I'm not sober yet. That's why they give us till Saturday.

Stay tuned.