Pickle beats banana.

It does not occur to a single minister to use food that is not wang-shaped. In a community that also implies apples are the most vaginal things in nature, we all fear for their wives.

Full posting begins again next week.

Happy Decade Death! 

Bowl games are on, but I don't much care for them since Kotaku did a pretty bang up job of showing how we could have pretty sweet playoffs and bowls. This is going to become a regular feature in the new year, but I'm up early on Christmas morning (presents, biatch!), so my Christmas gift to y'all is your first NCAA hoops rankings of the season:

1.) Texas (11-0)
2.) Syracuse (12-0)
3.) Duke (9-1)
4.) West Virginia (9-0)

I hear a lot of people use Gremlins or Die Hard as their ironic Christmas movie. Those are both great films, but irony is wasted on me.

Get out your cookies and scotch.
 

Yes I own this, yes it is one of my favorite movies, and yes you should go watch it. Right now.

Ho.
 

Now there's pee.

I'm sorry, I can't find anything to do with that joke.

Andrew Sullivan, swooping back before the holidays like a gay pothead Tory scholar ... bird ... knocks out a good piece on the divide between realists who want to live, and rightists who want to be on the Cusp of History or Precipice of Revolution or Edge of the Cosmic Frisbee, forever.

Sorry Sully. We love you, but those terms have already been laid out.

There's a connection between this realist-idealist divide on the right, and how the term "fascist" has lost all meaning besides "bad." And I may post on that. But it's the holidays and I'm a bartender. So I'm already late for something.
 

Wait, what? 

1)

Wooo!

2) New drink! 

Nova Scotia Coffee

Brew pot of coffee with cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg. Cool coffee until drink-temp cold.

1 1/2 oz. Yukon Jack Liquer
1/2 oz Carolan's Irish Cream
4 oz Spiced Ice Coffee

Shake all ingredients together thoroughly. Serve in a brandy snifter or coffee mug.

Wooo!

3) Wooo!

After a long hiatus, I am reporting again....and that means more stories! Today's entry adds to the long list of reasons to move to New Zealand...

www.3news.co.nz/Woman-flashes-gets-hit-by-car/tabid/309/articleID/134386/Default.aspx

This is not a video. Then again, it is absolute Truth.

MW2 is exactly as addictive and fun as they say. It is also frustrating as fuck when you try to play with people who have all the upgrades.

I say again, all the upgrades. Because they do a good job of creating balance until that point. Knives are goofy, but you get shot trying as often as you stab bitches. There are no health upgrades, so even the most basic gun can kill the most advanced player, if you shoot straight. Upgrades are an advantage. That is all.

Until you get two shotguns.

I have been playing videogames since I could read. My brother and I pwned each other 15 years early, using the AWDX keys on a green and black build of Spacewar. I spit and curse blue turtle shells. I know to hoard the Spreader.

Not since fucking Oddjob has anything in a popular title been so cheap. It's damn near a game breaker. Just ... just watch.

(I couldn't find a way to simulate how annoying this is, until the Will Smith cut)

It's a joke. It's like one team playing volleyball is allowed to use huge tennis rackets. From Levels 1-49 (or whatever), this game is about precision shooting, stealth and surprise. From that point on, when you unlock this, it's about running around the map and pressing your Everything On My Screen Dies button.

I do not believe they missed this in play testing. I believe they are mocking us.

(cries)
 

I left my paycheck in my pants, and put the whole thing through the wash.

Yes, I am pissed about this. But I have also been giggling like a small child. For an hour.

I need help.