~

An anti-abortion group has discovered that legal abortion causes vaccines to cause Autism.

This makes it the 37,492nd thing Discovered to Cause Autism. Other confirmed causes of Autism include Polish people, wind that moves your book while you're trying to read outside, and salt.
 

One way this could Annoy/Bore me even harder: CNN runs with this thing and has an Even Minded Panel Discussion about whether, in fact, bad karma and moon dust cause cancer.

Got to give equal time.

In the chained explodo of my recent life, not even the Olympics could drag me back to Bloody Monday. Not even the Playoffs. Not beating Ottawa.

But this. This cannot ... not ... be here.

A Stanley Cup Playoff game starring the #1 San Jose Sharks

(Just watch the whole thing. Or you won't understand)

That's the most ridiculous end to a game since this  treasure:

Read More
 

~

I spent the Summer of 2004 in Montana, working at a hot tub dealership. My boss was a well-traveled mechanic/ex-navy/salesman, and to bullshit with him was a benefit that made his hiding the health plan and stealing commissions almost worth it.

2004 was a year of history and the year I watched John Kerry's campaign, threw up in my mouth a little, and started voting for Democrats anyway. My boss was an early adopter of the Drudge/Brietbart brand of tabloid Conservatism, so we argued that summer. And he said something I have never Jameson'd^tm  forgotten.

Bizzo: [five minutes of being a nerd later] ... so because of the long-term effect and the law at stake, and the way the Congress is likely to go, I think even a mediocre Democrat is better for us right now. In order to break these programs. How can you as a veteran say otherwise?
Bosso: ...
Bizzo: What?
Bosso: I have children.
Bizzo: ? 
Bosso: You've thought a lot about this. Fine. But I have children. And I look at Bush, and he's promising to do whatever it takes, anything, to protect my children. Even if ... that didn't work ... or wasn't true or, whatever ... I can't sleep and I can't look at my kids, if I don't vote for the people who protect them. You don't have kids. [long pause] You can not understand.

We didn't talk about politics after that.

Whatever the guy intended, what he taught me was, having kids makes you immoral. Or differently moral. Everyone says "it changes you" but they usually mean in some kind of good way. They don't say it makes you territorial-bordering-on-sociopathic.

But that's informed the way I read the news.

The case in 2006, where a girl's mother spent hours every day stalking her daughter's rival, creating fake personalities to fuck with her head until the teenager killed herself.

Or the story of the lawyer mom who falsified her son's community service records then took his school to court to demand they give him extra credit.

(Note how this story, like the one in the same article, robs another kid of a scholarship)

Or today's story of the many, many parents who conspired to create a fake school prom, complete with fake chaperones and invitations. So they could send the queer and disabled and unlikable kids there as a joke. And compare photos of their kids posing with the suckers, and high-five. While all their kids attended a secret, real prom.

There are many, many others. But you get the point.

I have done stupid, self-destructive things. I have done arrogant things and cruel things. I can be an asshole.

But as per Hitch's thought,* these are alien vices. I'm not tempted, at all, to enter high school politics, or abandon my career to strip teens of their awards, or vote to abolish the Republic, on the off-chance a stranger's kid will die first. I can't even think these things.

Yet on the evidence, I would. It's one of those principles that has no end, right? To protect and advance my child is sacred, perfect, completely good. I would do anything for my child.

See, right now there are things I would not do.

(Obviously, all parents aren't like this. It's an appeal to extreme cases. But both Left and Right agree that being a parent gives you an out for any public behavior. If you want to appeal to that out.)

Even if I had the money, the stability, and the partner, I'm not sure I could do it. Gain a kid, lose ethics? Lose the very idea of ethics? 

How do you make that choice? 

~

I am a very ordinary person. Mid 20's, went to college, pay rent, pay taxes. Gym membership. I like porno, sports, and books about war. My last international adventure was a school trip. My last criminal plot involved eggs and Halloween. I do not use crystal meth.

After a long but pretty ordinary day, no part of which I recall as "odd," I went about the normal step of emptying my gym bag. See, that's a normal step. As in, every morning it starts out empty.

Contents in no order:
 

Shoes
Dress shoes
3 socks, none of which match each other
Bag of barbecued spare ribs
A/C adapter to cord I don't have
Bright green fingerless glove
Crasins bag containing money
Crasins bag containing Craisins
Deflated inflatable huge orange dice
4 wine keys
2 indecipherable hand-scribbled notes
Entirely separate bag of barbecued spare ribs.
Hat.
Dogeared book of cocktail recipes
Laptop computer.
Fork with prongs bent in different directions.
4 pens. One of which works.
Cider bottle containing coffee.
Novelty necktie.
Entirely separate bag of Crasins.
Unidentified pills.
Underwear.
Other unidentified pills.
Brochure for the Smith Tower with a floor layout.
 

If somebody found this thing, they would assume it belonged to a homeless person. Or The Joker. Or most likely, a homeless person who thinks he is The Joker.

Something is wrong here.
 

Big "Ten" East:

TSUN
TSUN State
Notre Dame
Ohio State
Penn State
Purdue

Big "Ten" West:

Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Minnesota
Northwestern
Wisconsin

Rankings can sort of go out the window at this point: we're all focused on the tourney. Here's a breakdown by conference:

Big East (8)
Connecticut
Georgetown
Louisville
Marquette
Pittsburgh
Syracuse
Villanova
West Virginia

Atlantic Coast (7)
Clemson
Duke
Florida State
Georgia Tech
Maryland
Virginia Tech
Wake Forest

Big 12 (7)
Baylor
Kansas
Kansas State
Missouri
Oklahoma State
Texas
Texas A&M

~

Last Action Hero is a great movie on paper. Even watching it, you see that it should be great. Groundbreaking, hilarious. Tropic Thunder ten years earlier. The Hamlet joke is fantastic.

What the hell happened? And can someone film that script again? With better pacing, better acting, and camera work that doesn't wreck the damn thing? 

I'd really like to see the version of that movie that didn't suck.

This is not a review of Avatar.

Really.
 

~

WiiFit Presents: Metal Gear Solid: Buns of the Patriots

Metal Good Sunday: Sons of Blasphemey

Metal Grope Subway: Tactile Espionage

Metal Gear Squalid: Snake's Rehab

Metal Gear SquallId: Climate Psychiatrist

Metal Grouper Story: Finding Nemo 2

Metric Grade Sync: Substitution

Metal Sir I Just Fought a Man Made of Bees: Explain That or Stop Talking

Metal Ghost Busters: True Ectoplasm Art

Metal Gear Solo: Snake Toucher

Metal Gear Canada: Sons of Hickory