Bloody Sunday: the first.

Welcome to the first Bloody Sunday. Where every Sunday, I blog about the week in NHL Hockey and anything I can tangentially relate to NHL hockey. Like Islam. Or tape.

But before I invent the "Sticky Minaret," today is October 12. The NHL 2008-2009 season is underway, and Fucking Surreal right out of the gate. Here's what's going on with:

Paul Newman

He died this past month. 2008 is the year we lose great men, apparently. Not just famous ones, but the truly good.

ditriech is the real Mighty Ducks fan around here. Sure I watched those movies as a kid, and liked them. But Slap Shot is the only great hockey movie. Big Dave once said "Comedy is truth. You can say the most well-thought-out shit there is, but if it isn't about something they know is real, no one will laugh." And that's Slap Shot. It's funnier and lewder than any Kevin Costner nonsense, and beats Rocky on its own ground as a commentary on blue-collar white-ethnic America when the Rust Belt rusted.

Yes, it beats Rocky. Because Rocky romanticized. It said that "Real Americans" shit roses and sang sonnets and always Could Do It If They Tried. Which is bullshit. Slap Shot is a fictional account of real lives that aren't always beautiful and don't always end well, but are worth knowing about anyway.

The whole thing is pinned on Newman's performance. He's funny as hell, sad, inspiring and hateful. It's a shoe-in that Newman contributed more to the public perception of US hockey than any other actor. For that, and a frillion other things, he'll be missed.

Sarah Frakking Palin

Got a Chiefs-like reception at the NHL Puck Drop in Philly. Because, thank god, people know when they're being used. I have a Republican-leaning family from Wisco and Minnie, many of whom have Palin-esque accents and outlooks. Since the VP debate, all I've heard is how she clowned it up with the gee-gollys and six-packs and "whoosits." How it was insulting. Like she was calling them children and assuming their support as her right somehow.

Apparently, hockey fans feel the same way.

(Except for O Brother Where Art Thou, there aren't a lot of examples of the White Shuck'n Jive on film. So historians can thank Palin for making a career out of it.)

The Buffalo Sabres

Won a game against a good team in a shootout. Because this is Dimension X. And my brain steers me by levers in my pelvis. Actually that explains a lot. Go Sabres.

The Toronto Maple Leafs.

Yes, "leafs." Don't ask me, I don't know. But they've been the tragic idiots of the NHL for about 20 years now. Too much money. A city that's a mecca of the sport. Fans that won't stop paying no matter what idiots run the club or how much they lose.

Yankees fans, behold your next decade.

But! Occasionally a blind squirrel finds a nut. And the Leafs upset the Goddamn Red Wings in their own rink on opening night. The highlights suggest a beautiful game.

So begins a Year of Shame. Where the scrappy, perpetually-rebuilding team makes their opponents feel extra worthless every time they lose. It should be a good diversion.

Sabres-Leafs games will continue to be awesome, as they exist in their own world.

Bonus!

This Wednesday, our YouTube of the Week will feature the weirdest joke ever made about the Toronto Maple Leafs. No, Mike has nothing to do with it.

Till then, keep bleeding.