Man Can Squiggle Himself

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I have high standards for rambling lunacy. Today, one Russell Wiseman met those standards, and raised them.

Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load.....try to convince me that wasn't done on purpose.  Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation (sic) about it....w...hen the answer should simply be 'yes'... you obama people need to move to a muslim country...oh wait, that's America....pitiful. ... you know, our forefathers had it written in the original Constitution that ONLY property owners could vote, if that has stayed in there, things would be different....."

Notice how every one of his points are batshit enough. A lesser man might try to build on those foundations, but Wiseman does not rest. He unfocuses his mind relentlessly, and makes sure every single statement comes further out of left field. The President is Muslim and too smart a Christian so he should get out of this country because he fits in too well George Washington owned a farm.

QED, bitches.

And under this rich canopy of gonzo, lies that root image. The mayor of Arlington, TN, sitting down in front of the TV, wholly unaware that the POTUS is going to make a major address on the war in Afghanistan this evening. Through warm handfuls of Funyuns, he turns the channel to ... ABC News ... which he thinks will be showing Peanuts cartoons for some reason.

BAM! BARACK OBAMA!

To Mayor Russell Wiseman, the conclusion to be drawn is that President Obama has come here specifically for him, specifically to interrupt his cartoon, specifically to ruin Christmas. 

The theory holds long enough to carry him across the room, to the kitchen, to put down his bowl, to go to his study. And on this subject, to write an essay on the Internet. An essay that sounds like four drunk people talking at the same time.

There is magic in this world.