Are you sure you're Black?

I am good at very few things.^sd

One of those things is pontificating about things in which i have no real reason to pontificate on. Politics is (are?) one of those things. So, seeing as I have the forum and/or soapbox to do so, I might as well make use of it.

Anyhoo.

I was watching The Colbert Report^sd2 and some guy^sd3 was talking about California's new proposed law (initiative?) that makes partisan primaries, well, illegal. Basically, what would happen is that there would be an open primary and the top two vote getters would be in the actual election.

To be honest I’m not totally against this. Partially because of Colbert’s reaction. He says, basically, that this will create more elected moderates. Now, again, I’m not a guy who’s in the in on politics and who does what and how much senator x plays to the base and how much he plays to the corporations, but I don’t really see this as a bad idea. Like seriously. This is probably one of the better ideas I’ve seen come out of politics in a while.

Look, in most states/districts, the primary is laughable anyway. Like the OH-11 (where humble ditriech is from) has been solidly Dem since 1983 (the year young ditriech was born). And it’s not just there. The California 5th, the Michigan 15th and the Pennsylvania 2nd have been solid Democrat since 1949, 1933 (when the frakking district was created), and 1949 respectively. And the Louisiana 1st, Missouri 8th, Wyoming at large and the Tennessee 2nd have been Republican since 1977, 1981, 1979 (when former Vice President Dick “Go fuck yourself” Cheney was the rep) and 1867.

Seriously. Think about that last one. A non-Republican hasn’t won the Tennessee 2nd since the fucking Civil War for frak’s sake. What is the point of a partisan primary there?

And in the competitive states, the candidates that better represent their constituents interests, regardless of party, will typically be in the top two. So how is this bad? How is the fact that an elected official accurately represents where they come from a bad thing? Why can’t we do this a) in California, and b) everywhere?

Playing to extremists obviously isn't working. I mean, that’s what got us these Tea Partiers and the fact that they can actually change Republican primaries^sd4 to begin with isn't it? Let’s govern America by actual Americans with actual beliefs instead of a party line. At the very least, it would be shit tons more fun.

Ok, so.

I can’t sleep. Like ever. I have pretty severe sleeping problems. Always have. This is part of the reason why I love Fight Club. Because it makes total sense to me. I mean, fighting (natch)  insomnia, chewing Valerian root-these are all things that I capital “I” Indentify with.

This is how the Griz and I first became acquainted I guess.

Unremembered to most people beside MRWAD^sd Griz and I had a group. It was basically just us. We were called “The Insomniacs”. By, you know, us. And really no one else. But we did “vandalize” other people’s whiteboards by writing things like “THE INSOMINIACS ARE HERE” and shit like that on them.

I guess what I’m saying is, actually, I’ve been an asshole for a while now.

But then again, you knew that.

Anyhoo, the band known as “Chicago” after the great...uh. City. Or something. I’m to lazy to research this. But! They made this one song called “Saturday in the Park” and someone thought that I might like it. I did. Then, they suggested “25 or 6 to 4”. Which, obviously, I loved too. So I listened to it a lot. Then I stopped for a while. Because that’s how I am with music.

This is all going to come together^sd2 I promise.

Also, when I was 14, like everyone else, I fell in love with Green Day^sd3.

No-not love love. But I really liked listening to their songs. So of course “Brain Stew” came across my radar at some point in time. And, naturally, so did “Jaded”, Because, you know, how hard it is to hear “Brain Stew” without hearing “Jaded”?

But here’s the kicker. “Brain Stew” and “25 or 6 to 4” are the same song

Well, maybe.

It’s totally possible that “25 or 6 to 4” is not a reference to not being able to sleep at 0335 (or 0336) while trying to write a song. It could be about banging a whore.

...

Oh, come on now. Don’t get all PC on me. If you use Cockney rhyming slang 25 or 6 to 4 clearly rhymes with whore. So it could be about banging whores. You never know.

But at face value at least, these songs are the same. Both are about being awake. Not being able to sleep. Similar theories in similar songs.

And by “similar” I mean “HOLY SHIT THE BASSLINE IS ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME”.

That kind of similar.

I mean, i found out by happy coincidence that my iTunes playlist played these two songs relatively close to each other. And now, as it should, it hurts to hear “25 or 6 to 4” without hearing its cousin (brother?) of “Brain Stew” after it.

And we all know “Brain Stew” is best followed by a rousing rendition of “Jaded”. Which, naturally, followed by the crippling fact that you are no long 14. Welcome to real life asshole.

Anyhoo, here they are.

I am not an excitable person by nature. I'm just not. When I was in school I never got excited about good grades^sd1. I wasn't excited when I was named a starter for the first time. Nor, actually, about sex in general. This is more ore less because I figured these things were more or less inevitabilities. They were going to happen sometime or another. To me, it was like getting excited that you fell asleep or something. Not a big deal. So when I get excited about something, you can pretty much bet that it's important. Or, you know, at least important to me.

What may or may not shock you is the fact that I am familiar with the inside of many bars. In fact, one could go so far as to say that I "love" bars and the "drinking atmosphere that is created within a bar as to make one seem like he isn't such a big alcoholic". Theoretically. That being said, I've become accustomed to the typical music that is played in these establishments. And, in general I don't like it. This is probably due to the fact that I stopped listening to the radio a while. So I really don't understand the music the kids are listening to nowadays. However, every once in a the jukebox or the DJ or whatever will play a song that interest me. But, the only song that actually gets me excited in a bar is "Smells Like Teen Spirit"^sd2.

I know that this might seem like a bit of a cop out as a BSOW pick. Mostly because I'm pretty sure that I've used it as a BSOW or S!O!TW! at some point in time before. Also, because it seems to be too easy. It's probably Nirvana's most mainstream and popular song^sd3. And, this is true. With a gun to my head, it probably not even my favorite Nirvana song. Though, if you do have a gun to my head, you should hope that I don't have one as well. I mean, uh, my favorite song would probably be "About a Girl". But, seeing as it is their most mainstream song, it is also the song that is most likely to be played in bars. So there you go. Also, I meant to write this BSOW for the first week of the season. But then, then I thought that I should save this for the beginning of the Big Ten season. Or something^sd4.

^{Nirvana
Smells Like Teen Spirit
Nevermind}

Sometimes you get the bear and sometime the bear gets you.

Ok, I have no idea what that means. But sometimes, so-ometimes you find the YouTube of the week by accident. You are just reading along and it hits you. You see, this week (if I get this post up first), the YouTube of the Week is about hope. And triumph. And the perseverance of the human spirit. Or, its a trailer from an awesome documentary, you decide.

You see American Movie could probably be made about me. In like 5 years. This is mostly because one of my life goals is to have a documentary made about me. Because my life is awesome. But the difference between myself and Mark Borchardt is that I have many obsessions. I mean I have Ohio State Football^sd, I have cofabg, I have the Republic of Nortonia. Borchardt has a singular focus. Coven. Coven is the thing that consumes his life. I mean, I could go on about what American Movie means to me and the American dream and all of that. But I advise you go watch it. Its free on YouTube until the end of the month. Also, it is Rated R, so you need to have a Google or YouTube account to view it. But I know that Bizzo and Dutch have both of them.

Raised Glass to the Mental Floss Blog, one of my favorite blogs on the tubes.

Let's pretend like there is a serious room. A room that, no matter what you had to be serious in. If someone were to place me in this room and ask seriously what I want to be when I grow up^sd1 there'd be a few answers, to be honest. But the one that that would be most true^sd2 would be that I want to be an overnight radio host.

For various reasons, when I was younger I listened to a lot of sports talk radio. I mean to the point in which I used to call into shows and voice my opinion. This started at about the age of 11, or whatever sixth grade is^sd3 and continued well into my teenage years. It got to the point in which I was unable to sleep without listening to sports radio. Then, due to a Snickettish turn in my life I was unable to sleep. Well, sleep much. And, seeing as my radio was already tuned to sports radio, I got the chance to listen to the overnight radio hosts.

These guys, at first "The Regular Guys" on Sports Byline I believe, then when WKNR switched over to ESPN radio for its late nights Todd Wright during the week and Bob Valvano^sd4 on the weekends. And because of these guys, I fell in love with the idea of doing radio. For someone who regularly cannot sleep, like ever, to be able to sit up all night and talk about sports with people around the country seemed like the perfect job.

Now, I know you're asking what this has to do with Beirut, Songs, or Weekends. Well, Bob Valvano is the weekend overnight host for ESPN Radio (still!) so there's that. But one of the songs he played as a bumper was "Cha Cha Cha d'Amor" by Dean Martin. And I fell in love with it. But couldn't figure out how^sd5 to find this song. One day, however, I was listening to satellite radio^sd6 and I heard it. The song. And then played it. A lot.

Dean Martin
Cha Cha Cha d'Amor

Cha, Cha, Cha, DAmour - Dean Martin

ED NOTE: this week's BSOW is just turrable

I know I've gone on record before with this but I don't dance. Like at all^sd1. I just am too self-conscious^sd2 to even attempt to dance while sober and in front of other people. But it is important to this story. Obliquely, at least

Anyhoo, back in college, I had a crush on this girl who we'll call Serena^sd3. For like a while^sd4. In contrast to the rest of my crushes during this era^sd5, I rarely saw Serena. I mean, we had maybe a couple of classes together early, and of course in the dining halls every now and again. But she seemed like she was rarely around.

Fast Forward to 2005, after a series of (extremely unlikely events that led to me to hanging out at the Beta Acland semi-regularly^sd6. I was there one night during Senior week hanging out, and for some reason the conversation turned to Serena. It seemed as though everyone else there had the same general feeling about her: that she was comely, but unattainable. She just didn't--or wouldn't-- talk to anyone on campus. After a while, and with enormous amounts of liquid courage I^sd7 decided to go next door (which, conveniently, is where she lived) and talk to her. So we knocked on the door and her sister answered. Being that I was drunk (and that it was like 4 years ago now I don't remember what I talked with her about), I do remember that I told her who I was, and that I wanted to talk to Serena, who she said was upstairs asleep. Or something. I then told her about how I had a crush on Serena for like 3 years, yet was scared to tell her for numerous reasons^sd8. The primary one being that I was afraid she wouldn't remember me. After chatting for about 2 or 3 minutes, I turned to leave.

As I was walking back to the Acland, Serena said "I remember you Alan^sd9." So we talked for a while, I'm pretty sure I told her I had a crush on her then I left and went home or to drink more or something. Actually, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Anyhoo, the next night was "80s dance party night" and "Midnight Breakfast" . Seeing as I don't dance, I went for the breakfast option. Because bacon and hash browns are good at any time of day. But especially at like midnight. But, because I have a crippling addiction to 80s Power Pop^sd10 I went upstairs to listen for a while. And, because there wouldn't actually be a point in telling you this if it was otherwise, Serena was there. We look at each other. I went over to talk to her for a while (while, natch, this song was playing), and then I left to go play Kings.

Not the most exciting story in the world, I know, but it is the reason why this song is in my head every three months or so.

Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money (f. Ronnie Spector)

Eddie Money (f. Ronnie Spector)
Take Me Home Tonight
Can't Hold Back

The first time I heard this song, I was drunk^sd1. In fact, I was drunk and at my favorite bar (so far) in the DC area. The coworker I was with went over to the jukebox and said, "This is the music I used to listen to when I was in high school just high out of my mind^sd2." He told me the name of it (as-no kidding- a large portion of the bar sang along with the song) but I didn't remember it. This was like May of last year. I knew it was Pink Floyd and that's about it. About a week or two later I downloaded every Pink Floyd song I could, trying to play the songs and hopefully remember what it was. No joy.

About a month ago, I was at work (at a different job) and another (much younger than the previous) coworker had this song on his iPod. And I was able to download it^sd3, and fall in love with the song all over again.

Anyhoo, I think DFW said it best^sd4:

This had been one of Hal's deepest and most pregnant abstractions, one he'd come up with once while getting secretly high in the Pump Room. That we're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that he goes around feeling like he misses somebody he's never even met? Without the univer­salizing abstraction, the feeling would make no sense.

Missing someone or something is a feeling that is universally understood. We have all missed things at various points in our lives. Hell, that's what nostalgia is: missing something that happened in the past. And this song normally makes me feel nostalgic. Makes me think of times that I've had in the past. The joy and laughter. The pain and the tears.

This song is dedicated to the college football season. Hurry the fuck up will you?

I mean, seriously.

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here
Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here

I've spoke before about earworms. This we know. We also know that I have exceptionally odd musical tastes. We deal with this and move on. Or, you know, at least I do. Anyhoo, on my pilgrimage to the Last Great Vestige of Civilization^sd1, the local radio stations could not stop playing this song. Though, I guess a large part of that was the nature of terrestrial radio. And, seeing as I have such a malleable mind^sd2 I could not get this song out my head.

As of late, we haven't been writing much. During the months of November/December I attributed it to a couple of things. First and foremost we were pretty burnt out, you know mentally, due to the election and such. Also, because College Football is over. Because, let's face it, cofabg is a CFB/Politics blog with a drinking problem. Much like ditriech himself. But, with the New Year upon us and all the Change happening and such we need to rectify this situation.

After much consultation with the high command of the good ship cofabg^sd1, I have come up with a solution. We need blog-aides. And so, I came up with an all encompassing "better cofabg" plan, that I will be unveiling slowly but surely. Like a Turtle of the Ninja^sd2 variety. Unless, of course, the Hare in question is either Hokum Hare. Or Samari Lapin. Whatever.

Anyhoo, here's the first stage: The Blog Aide Programme.

The Confessions of a Beirut Game Committee on Blogging Behavior and Standards,

Alarmed by the lack of posts throughout the months of November and December,

Aware of the other time commitments that cofabgers have,

Observing that we need to get on the proverbial cofabg ball,

Noting with regret that no one will actually join the programme,

Further believing that actually writing this resolution is solid proof that ditriech has gone 'round the bend,

1) Creates the Blog Aide Programme (BAP) to facilitate the cofabg blogging process;

2) Designates ditriech as the Head of the BAP;

3) Reminds ditriech that the BAP is in no way shape or form to be used as his personal "hook-up bin";

4) Encourages the cofabgers who take advantage of the BAP to keep steak well stocked;

5) Resolves to remain actively seized of the matter.

----
sd1: Basically, this means that I imed Zip and asked him if he thought it was a good idea. He said go for it.

sd2: Of who Donatello is still the best. Honestly. You Leonardo people have it all wrong.