BREAKING NEWS

-----THIS JUST IN-----

The 2009-2010 Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn and Derek Alexander to the year 2263 for one of those genetic replicators from The Fifth Element and the pinky finger of Brett Favre, whose courage and strength has been told to stop Niagara Falls in its tracks and caused a live moose to spontaneously combust. How the Browns plan to use their genetically re-created quarterback (presumably in his mid-20s) and his elk-vaporizing powers remains to be seen, but they clearly think this is a move that puts them on track to contend in the AFC North sometime this decade. And by this decade, I mean the one that starts in 2011.

Asked what he thought of the move, John Madden said "Football is a sport..."